bernicecheee. Name♔ Bernice Chee Wai Yee Nickname♔ Ber Age♔ Eighteen(2014) Birthday♔ 13th of September Height♔ Too short to be revealed Weight♔ Around 40kg. Nationalist♔ Malaysian Race♔ Chinese Religion♔ A follower of Christ & a child of God :)
Anyeongggg.
God loves you and He created the beautiful you and the jaw dropping universe. You are beautiful and unique in your own way so don't you doubt that. :D
"Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God."Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. - Luke 12:6-7
I jogged to Guardian to get something, praying hard that God would protect me, and He did. On the way home, I met a Jehovah's witness guy accompanied by a JW girl. You see, they changed the Word to agree with their theology. & God says you should never change His words.
18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: 19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book. -Rev 22
You see, it is that serious because you're misleading other people to believe in what you've changed! And also,
2 Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you. -Duet 4
I'm not sure why I answered what I answered, but I'm hoping that what I answered revealed the truth.
Anyway, this is what they believe in.
I know the fact that I chose Sabah over everything else might not have been the wisest choice, I don't know why I was so desperate to go either, but the preparation and the stress that I'm going through (worry about how unfit I am and the fact that I might be left aside by the rock), I know very clearly that I shouldn't be worrying because I have God's strength, but I feel like I'm stuck with this worry and I can't get out. I'm about to suffocate myself with all these unnecessary worries.
I think I can no longer hide my loneliness, depression in me. I want to let them all out. I didn't mean to show an emotional face at the farewell 'party' at Jenna's yesterday. I shouldn't have hid myself aside and should have joined them even though I didn't know much about celebrities and movies. I hate myself for being a coward every time. What's wrong with being myself?
But having that said, I'm still afraid. Although there's nothing wrong being myself, and I'm proud that I've God in my life, that's all that matters in the end, no? but my mind seems to differ, my human mind. Not spending my time with God for about a month now seemed to have distanced me from God. Exams should never be the excuse to not spend time with God. God even sent Jesus to die for us, a sinless man, God in flesh, and I didn't draw myself close to Him. I know clearly that He has been there, throughout my stressful period, and promising to spend even more time with Him but ended up getting caught with dramas and thinking about how socially awkward I'm gonna be in Sabah, how unfit I am (unnecessary thoughts, mostly). I cannot afford to lose God in my life 'cause He's my only comfort, He's the only One who's there whenever I'm sad, but I didn't even bother spending time with Him because I've been too caught up with worldly stuff which will one day all pass away.
So what if people judge me? In the end it's God's judgement that matters. Earthly things will never stay. Why do I still care so much about what people will think of me? As long as I didn't do anything wrong? People judge, even I do, but honestly I need to change myself because I've been judging unintentionally and I guess people hated me because I judged them and I know I shouldn't have.
Although they never admit, no matter how hard I've tried, they will still judge. I'm the biggest hypocrite in this world, am I not?
I'm sorry, and I should be apologizing, really and sincerely too. If I've ever said anything wrong I just hope that you know I did so unintentionally.
Oh I seriously am still impressed with the senses Leonidas has. He knew that I didn't look happy yesterday again lol. He sat beside me and tried to dig out my problems again. And I, as usual, didn't confess my problems again. I think this hiding-my-problems thing should stop soon. I'm only drowning myself with all these pretending.
I need to be able to say what's wrong with me one day, 'cause I feel like the longer I hide, the more depressed and negative I will get. & that's not helping me to be a happier person, but instead, I think depression is slowly engulfing(taking over) my emotions.
Let's hope and pray that I will survive through Sabah trip.
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My mom told me how scary my maid actually is. She is allowed to contact with her family members every month. She didn't tell us that her husband has been working in Johor for 10 months now. She asked my brother to give him his account number so that he could transfer RM200 to my brother for her. What on earth? And my brother didn't even bother to tell my mom about receiving money. The reason she wanted to go Johor with my mom was because she wanted to look for her husband. She even asked my cousin brother to drive her to meet her husband. That's like.. the smartest thing a person can do? I don't know what's gonna happen next but I've a feeling that she's gonna run away. I should have known that she's not as innocent as she looks.
At times like this, I just feel like hugging the Bible and cry out to God. I don't know why I'm feeling left out, I think this is how everyone else (the inactive CG members) feels too? I'm such an attention seeker hahaha, of course I hope no one will read this post because well, it's too personal to be read. What I was feeling just now, hahaha I guess I was just jealous that the whole CG went publika without me! After ranting I suddenly remembered how nice my CG leader had been treating me, but I still chose study over spending time with 'em and God, and ended up wasting my six hours (to and fro KL is about one hour?) & I honestly think I didn't learn anything, so I voiced out my opinion but still ended up being.. well, I just thought ranting a bit would help, well, I couldn't leave myself thinking positively when I honestly had learned nothing, except maybe knowing that there's a new format and paper one questions are repeated that's all, HONESTLY. And if I've known voicing up my opinion would lead to seeming like I was thinking in a negative way then well I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything in the first place.
You see, I'm just tired of trying to fit it. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Call me sensitive, but I really thought about what I said and still think I didn't learn anything. How does my negative way of thinking affect the whole situation? I know how I couldn't turn back time or anything, but one thing I've learned from what you said is to be grateful that we reached safely there.
LOL, back to the CG part, CG members were ALL uploading their photos of themselves having dinner at Publika. Maybe being an introvert, I've strived to fit it, and I'm just tired of mixing with them and yea, actually feel nervous talking to them because they are famous people at church that kinda thing. What do you do if you can't fit in, be it among school friends or even supposedly-to-be-really-close siblings in Christ? I've to admit that the CG is really big, and it's really hard to take care of everyone's needs, I'm just glad I'm accountable for Esther and that she shares and rants to me whenever she feels stressed or sad, I'd be happy and at the same time, would be learning more about God myself speaking to her as I try to comfort her.
Thing about me is that it's hard for me to open up. So whenever I'm so close to open up I will just lock everything in my heart so I won't be judged. You know, the fear of being judged because of your stories in the past, be it you're like that because of your family, or anything else like school friends or just anything else that would shape you in this lifetime. Just, your stories, you know. What that has been happening that makes you who you are today. I never stop thanking God that I've met Him, that's the greatest joy of mine, because no matter what happens, I would just think of Him, knowing that He's with me all the time, the Bible is so nice to hug because it's as if I'm hugging Him, being at His feet, surrendering my feelings, surrendering my stories, surrendering everything I think I'm tired of.
At times like this, no one understands, but Him.
It's amazing how ranting like this with a worship song would make me cry so much but leave me feeling so better already because this song is really consoling.
Con-SOUL-ing.
Sometimes you just gotta be wowed and amazed by how God is working. You will never know what comes to you until you surrender everything to Him. THIS, I was feeling so horrible but I stumbled to this blog. And here are some that relate so much now.
One of my favorite writers as of late,
Shauna Niequist, writes about these seasons as “Thin Places.” It’s an ancient Celtic idea — of a place where the divide between divine and natural is thin, and God comes down to touch the earth, and His presence is nearly tangible. Brokenness can certainly bring us to that thin place — where God can, if we let him, come down to us and touch us in our broken state. When things seem to be falling apart all around us and inside us, God draws near with His presence. He might not fix things right away, but He is there, with us.
God, He never ceases to amaze me.
“Give up for a while your false and failing attempts at merriment, and thank God for thin places, and for Advent, for a season that understands longing and loneliness and long nights. Let yourself fall open to Advent, to anticipation, to the belief that what is empty will be filled, what is broken will be repaired, and what is lost can always be found, no matter how many times it’s been lost.” – Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet
Praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! The Father is a merciful God, who always gives us comfort. He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share this same comfort with others in trouble. We share in the terrible sufferings of Christ, but also in the wonderful comfort he gives. -2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Thought of not posting this, but I was so troubled about it so I've decided to not hide this with you people.
Today was definitely a tiring day. So in the morning I had to go to the field to have my marching practice there with the fellow KRS members (but in the end we played volleyball, it was not bad since it kinda helped us to be bonded more.. which was definitely a good thing because I really wanted that to happen! The ber-bonding session thingy to happen and so it did!). Yup but then I had to go to school to get stuff from the QM room with Kok Xuan, who was appointed to be my assistant QM and so we did. It rained a little earlier on at 7:45am?? I thought of not going but then I prayed and the rain miraculously stopped after a few minutes which was amazing, hahaha!
I had to go and wake my brother up because he was sleeping (who's awake at such early hour?) and then he got kinda annoyed but I could understand.
Marching ended. He sent me home from Siew Yoong's house. Then when we reached home, off the went to his bed to continue sleeping. So I assumed he knew he needed to send me to church and that I could wake him up at 2pm to ask him to do me a favor, by sending me to church.
But who knows what would happen right?
I guess today was just a funny day since he didn't wanna send me to church because he wanted to sleep. He asked me to ask my mom to do so and so I went to my mum, but obviously, for a non-believer, she would think it's unnecessary to spend 40 mins (back and fro journey) to send me to church so I kinda expected that she would take all the time of the world to get ready and then only fetch me but she didn't. Only about 20 minutes (surprisingly! She ate a few scoops of rice and off we went at 2:20pm - CG starts at 2pm - it takes 20 mins to reach church, or less)
In the car, the atmosphere wasn't so nice. Blame the atmospheric pressure, no, kidding.
She started saying how I'm so 'obsessed' with my faith. How I shouldn't do so because as for her, as a Buddhist (who isn't a strong one, thank God), she doesn't really go to the temple but only does when she sees one or when there's something going on in the temple.
She also started complaining how I shouldn't go to church every week because well, she doesn't do so.
Then she said I shouldn't do so because I don't have a car and it requires quite an amount of petrol to just send me there and go back home.
Next, about how my faith has gotten really serious and how in the future I would contribute 10% as tithes and offering to the church.
She asked me (not in a curious way) what made me so eager to go to church.
Firstly,
In Galatians 3:22-26, it is written, " But the Scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe. Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law. You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, .."
For by grace we've been saved through faith.
Grace is something that you do not deserve but you get it, for example, you do not deserve to be saved, but you've been saved because He loves you and died for you. Mercy is something you deserve but he has taken all away, for example, you deserved to be punished but Christ took it all away and was willing to bear it when he was on the cross.
Secondly, in Hebrews 11:1 " Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. "
For us, we believe that Adam is the representative of humanity, who was the father of mankind. He was tempted by Satan and so he ate the fruit that was from the tree of life which God warned him not to eat. And at that instant, sin appeared and so we're all sinners. But because of God's love, He sent His ONLY Son, Jesus Christ, holy and blameless, sinless to be a representative of humanity once again. In olden days, they had to sacrifice animals to ask for God's forgiveness, but after Jesus died and rose again, we were forgiven, but with the condition that we should believe in Him ALONE and not worship any other idol. And so through that, we have a direct relationship with God.
Thirdly, about the tithes and offerings, it's not a MUST to contribute, I'm sure I would in the future (that's if I'm still holding on to my faith and I've been praying everyday for my own faith so that I'll never stray away from faith..)..
Fourthly, the reason I go to church is because, this broken family, who has no one who hears me out, makes me feel so lonely. The only person I can talk to and tell my problems to is God. It's just amazing to know that God will never betray you if all you do is just to trust Him.
But my mom, as a non believer will never get that. So I'm praying really hard for her salvation and hope God will be merciful enough to save her like how he has saved me.
A lot of second generation Christians came to me and asked me how is it like being a believer who's not influenced by parent's belief but by my own decision..
Well, hmm I really think it has a great difference. Of course, being a believer isn't about what good deeds you've done (it's NEVER that, that's why it's so special), but it's how the Holy Spirit in you that's so strong that it can fight with your Evil spirit in your mortal body, whatever you do, you want to please God because he has saved you.. In Christianity, it's all about faith.
So if you're saying how you're a Christian because you accepted him.. That's really funny. For in the bible it is written : Romans 10:17 "Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. " If you don't even WANT to go to church, or read the bible, or set an example and be Christ-like.. I really don't know what you're doing when you're believing.
At least that's how my brothers are, and even my dad. I don't know, but I'm praying really hard for each one of them, that they will come back to Christ.
If you know me, you'd probably think the weirdest side of me is that I really take birthdays seriously. People often ask why, i guess I've found myself a really good excuse that if you ever know why, you would stay silence right after that. It's really something so private that I've planned not to talk about it here and create a new private blog just to express my deepest secrets. Now that I know no one really reads my blog(I hope), I've decided to blog about it and I pray that everyone would keep their mouths shut and not spread around. I mean there's nothing too special to let this secret be known.
Furthermore, not that I'm telling the whole thing. So I beg your pardon that you will NOT judge me after reading this.
You see, I've always been overreacting about birthdays, be glad if I remember when your birthday is because it shows that you're an important person of mine. Well, truth is, it's only on my birthday that my parents would agree to have a meal with me. It's like an annual family gathering on my birthday every year so I am always happy when my birthday is near. Whenever I know one of them can't make it up for me, I would be really disappointed until I cry. But if they can make it to even have a meal with me, I would be really grateful and happy. Unfortunately, my mom always refuses to eat with me because her singing competition always clashes with my birthday. God knows why.
It so happen that this year, when I found out that she might be free, I'm really happy about it. Like seriously.. I might sound like a child that has been terribly rejected by my parents but maybe that's why I'm so LOA in front of my parents. They will never get why I'm so concerned about my birthday every year. My birthday is near so my dad bought me a box of cheese cake for me from secret recipe. I was grateful but would be more grateful if he didn't buy an rm80 one. I don't know why I get so emotional about it. It seems like his hard work and sincere heart are wasted just because no one even thinks to celebrate my birthday with me. He shouldn't have bought it this early.
For the past years, I felt grateful to have meals with my family members that a cake meant meaningless to me as long as they spend time with me. Am I really inconsiderate to want everyone to spend time with me? My mom just scolded me because I was inconsiderate when I complained that why would my dad even buy a cake when no one wants to celebrate with me. Do they really expect me to celebrate it alone. I thought I was really forever alone then. That's why I cried. I mean wouldn't it be sad to see someone having a big cheese cake and has to celebrate it alone. Just imagine that she sings happy birthday song by her own and then cuts her huge cake alone.
You may think I'm blaming my mom but no. More to go. My dad, he has never been one really responsible guy in the family. I'm sorry to say that. I did ask him but he blamed it on mom, unfortunately. A family of five can be as complicated as a family in HK dramas. It would be weird to say this but I desire my parents love that's why I always listen to their advices like to not have any boyfriend at this age(i understand that it is for my own good) whatever I did was to hope that they would see that I'm a good girl and they should at least love me because I listen to them? Cause I thought having a boyfriend would be the main cause for a scattered family. That's what I think. Imagine I'm a rebellious useless kid. Wouldn't they love me less?
I sound like a really depressed person now, huh? But that's the main reason I became a Christian. Because my parents are too busy to care about me, that's why I go to the Father who will never leave me. At least no matter what happen, God will still be the faithful one. No matter what I do He will still forgive. I mean, after all He still is the Almighty creator.
I hope whatever you've read stays here. Don't remind me of this either, don't ask me about my personal problems, just let me be who I am. Really, I still have dark secret in me that I don't wish to reveal. I'm not allowed to, too. Don't force me to tell. That's all I ask for.
I realised it's hard for me to forgive people, really really hard. I don't know how God does it, I don't know how I did it to some people even though they have hurt me for quite a number of times. (maybe I don't love them that much, who knows?)
Firstly, it's for a person who wanted to slap me in the face because of the 'annoyance' of mine asking him to stop smoking. If I were only trying to bug him around because of MY HAPPINESS, I wouldn't even try my very best to even say out a single word. This is a person who doesn't do what he has promised me. He continues on doing what he thinks he's right. What can I say when he gets so annoyed of what I think it's the best for him? I can't do anything, right? Furthermore I don't want him to think I SUPPORT him for doing so. I washed dishes for him and told him to wash them by himself because I said how my mom is doing everything for us but he asked me to shut up. Oh right, I'm not a perfect human, what can I do when things happened this way?
To forgive is not as easy as you think, my friend. It's not that this is happening to you.
This another person who SHOULD be responsible for what he has done, has never shown what should be showing to his 'beloved'. He's the most irresponsible person I've ever known. How he told me he loves me and all, are only sayings that never will be shown in action. What he does is only to hurt. His immaturity is amazing. All he can say to me is only sorry, but what did he do after he said that? Nothing. He continued on what he's doing, he knows he's wrong but he still continues it. Not only that he's hurting his beloved, he's hurting himself too. Amazing, I'm very impressed by however and whatever and whichever way he thinks. It's really OUT OF BOX.
Just don't guess blindly, people. You'll never know what has been happening in my life. Everyone has their own stories who they don't wanna share. I feel so lonely and depressed that I've to only keep these to myself because no one can help me, only God can.
I've to even cry soundlessly in the toilet with the water flowing so that no one can hear me crying, isn't it sad?
Okay though all this really sounded emotional but I know I'm going to be okay. It's just another boring lame post that no one will understand. Please tell me what can I do to forgive these two persons that I have always wanted to forgive, but it's just too tough.
I know I can do it by loving, it's still hard. I'll try my best even though I may have mental breakdown someday, but God will always be there for me.
So, I just kind of argued with my brother.
I hate my rage, so so much. SO SOO SO MUCH.
Everytime I talk to him I'll be like.. talking in a way like I'm annoyed.
I don't know why I'm like that, seriously.
Can't I just speak nicely?
Thing is, I know, deeply inside me, that he's changed. He's changed by God. He doesn't smoke or does anything bad anymore. He's completely hated sins. And everything is because we have a God who forgives.
And I just remembered last week Sasha was sharing that "If God could send His son to die for our sins just because He loves us SO SO SO MUCH, when we apparently don't deserve it at all, why do we get pissed off by little things easily?" Yes, why am I sinning? What's wrong with me? My wrath is like.. overtaking my mind, it's so scary.
It's true that he's changed and he's sharing Christ with my parents, his friends (who are still smoking).. My dad promised to go to church with him every week but he didn't. (I didn't know about that since I wasn't in hospital after the accident happened).. This afternoon my mom was busy settling some income tax thing for herself and my dad's.. She was complaining how my dad always leaves these stuff for her to do and all.. Well that was after she came back with my brother from Post Office (to settle some road tax thingy).. my brother was sharing about Christ to her and wanted my mom to trust him that it wasn't 'that' drink that caused him to have voices in his mind. He told my mom that he would read the bible to her every night when she goes to sleep. And my mom is the kind of person that hates people who are so desperate to share.
I told my brother to stop annoying my mom 'cause I'm scared she'll get more annoyed and then she'll ban me from going to church or something like that. I'm so selfish. I told him that he can't expect everyone to believe him when everything is between him and God as Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship with God alone..
But he said I don't even attempt to change my mom.. and said that he wasn't forcing my mom to accept Christ but just trying to share with a soft manner. He also said that I was trying to stop him from changing my mom.
It's true though, that maybe I'm not desperate enough to change my mom, I always thought when God wants her, He'll do something to make her believe in Him.
I really really don't know what to do since I was told to NOT encourage my brother to do anything dumb like who knows if he'll go bang the wall again when he hears voices? I just didn't tell him directly that I trust him..
I don't want him to have the idea that he can do anything when I trust him.
But that was when he broke down, saying that he's very sad because my dad didn't do what he promised, none of his friends trust him when one of them actually witnessed the accident.
And that was when I broke down and he left the house. I prayed, asking for help, and I truly believe that He's heard my prayer and that He'll give me an answer soon. :) I thought of CG, that I've to lead worship tomorrow, I'll be singing "heart of worship".. and so I started singing that song.. until I reached the part - "I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it, when it's all about You, when it's all about You, Jesus." I felt REALLY REALLY bad for everything I've done, for my rage... everything.
Well well, a quick one.
I know my blog looks nice, thanks for the compliment secretly hidden in your heart.
So today during civic period our topic was religion. It's such a sensitive topic to talk about, but through that I got to know much more about other religions? And besides I really don't think Christian is a religion (not like you be one, because you have to, but because you really believe and enjoy being one).. It's a belief, that Jesus has died, He is risen, and He'll come back again. I know it's like a very soon thing.. No one knows when, but it'll be the day where everyone will know the truth.
Okay let's skip this sensitive topic, may God bless you.
So so, today was career day and it wasn't that bad 'cause I kinda like.. asked myself who I really am/what I wanna be. (Actually not really) I'm still struggling on this matter, just that I don't show it. Nyehehehe, if I ever can't get into medicine, I think I'll go for Hospitality instead. (Y) It's gonna be cool, I'm gonna be a fat lady or a high class waitress learning how to fold napkins. And then if I ever get to be a chef or something (which sounds odd 'cause I never cooked in my life except maggie mee), I'll definitely get Zoe to design my restaurant. & maybe find Kyleen to be my restaurant psychologist/lawyer. Everything will go so smoothly with them. HAHAHA. Okay, I kind of like think I'm dreaming now 'cause it sounds impossibru. :P
Forget about that dream, but look at the awesome-looking & delicious-looking-too *coughs-itsgonnamakeyouhungry-coughs* food..
That is luxury, man.
Maybe I should be a baker instead? I shall bake cakes that are better than secret recipe's? ultimately secret recipe ahahah!
Or do you prefer to see some intestines' pictures? I can post it up but I'll scare most of you away, I guess? Unless you are really a weird one who wants to see something internal.. surrounded by blood.. Err.. Okay I'm weird.
Weird means special, by the way.
Meanwhile.. a song that I really love. Tried to play it with guitar but I'm still quite slow. HEHE :)
Heheh, do you know that I've been "blessing" people which sweets I get from Terry(Add maths tuition teacher) like almost every week since last month.. People will be like smiling widely after they get their sweets, and I do feel a little bit happier by making people happier. It's like.. a sort of satisfaction I get everytime I make someone feels happy. :P
People who haven't gotten a sweet from me, just hang on, kay? :)
Meh, it's 1:22am I shall start doing my karangan but before I end this post, I'm just gonna clarify and explain something.
My brother is getting better and he's eager for God. I'm quite happy with that but I don't know why I just can't resist like.. feeling odd whenever he says something I've never imagined him saying. He's getting better so thanks for all of your prayers! I hope he'll continue walking the right path but as for my eldest brother, I hope he will never fall into temptations.
God, please bless my family!
Anyway, since he got into accident (did I even say it on my blog?), I've to walk back from school if I stay back now.. My tuition schedules are all changed.. It's kinda troublesome, but if that's what we've to pay for him to get into the right path.. I bet my mom's willing to pay, even with her life. I've never seen my parents being so worried of my brother, or anyone of us.
I finally saw a little bit of their love.
But I'm sad that after a few days, everything was back to normal. It's so saddening to see it but I still trust God, no matter what. I don't know how to explain but He's just real to me.
He's my spiritual healer, guider. That's why, I guess?
I apologize to you readers, even when it's not exactly my fault, but blame me for being so naive, blame me for believing people so easily. Miracles did happen, it did, to my brother, that was a true story but mine wasn't. My iPod thing was a total cow dung. I SERIOUSLY HATED the way my eldest brother likes to LIE about something that is obviously very lame. He only lies because he knew I sure would believe his words, he lied about he bought an iPad himself, he lied about his iPhone he lied about a lot of things, but this time, he did it overboard. I think he seriously needs to learn a lesson, but I prayed for him instead (like how i did for my elder brother).. He's just too childish to lie to me that he didn't change the wallpaper nor touch my iPod. He's VERY childish. as in, VERY okay? I was so happy when something miraculous happened to me but in the end, it's not even real. I guess it's not the time for me to get touched now? Or I already got touched in church camp last year? Anyway! God will touch my heart one day! :) Actually He already kinda did, but not directly to me lah! I'm still REALLY grateful that my elder brother is a better man now, I hope his faith will still be this strong when I tell him my our eldest brother just lied to us. But my prayers for him still worked AFTER ALL! :D
P/S it's amazing to see life-changing thing happening beside you, you know?
And have I told you my dog was actually missing for about 4 days before Good Friday? It's amazing how right after my brother and I prayed, Brownie just came back by himself. We thought he got caught by MBPJ or something.. but thank God he didn't and he's safe and sound! :)
Okay hi, happy valentine's day. Or happy birthday. Or happy -insert your day- day. Do you prefer happy BarneyStinson day instead? I'm really random, but YOU, just continue reading.
I haven't been updating my blog lately, because, of course I've been -the opposite of expensive- (guess the word), not that I'm cheap, but you get what I mean. YOU GET IT, RIGHT? Ok, actually I'm just here to tell you that, I get frustrated easily nowadays, I've no idea why. I just think that, it's time to.. not to be not frustrated. Just kidding, but I'm just not as.. good as you think I am. Not as, friendly.
I'm so tired of everything, in this world. But I know God is always giving me exams, everyday. On patience, on anything. I feel guilty, really, to not going to church, for so many weeks already. I miss going to church, in fact, I want to if I aren't that busy nowadays. I'm really really really busy. I've tuitions almost EVERYDAY, except weekends. I've activities in school almost EVERYDAY too. I'm just sick of responsibilities, sometimes I wish I were just normal member, but now that experiences are more important than my life, I'm willing to sacrifice, but in the meantime, everyone around me has to sacrifice with me too. I'm such a.. okay, unorganised person. I don't even have time to blog now. I spend most of my free time to rest because that's how tired I am nowadays. Sleeping can't even help me to get back to my old self. I really wish I'm good at time management, then I don't have to do last minute work. I'm a Malaysian, what to do?
And another thing, the only reason I'm stressed? (or I think there's more) It's when people around me are being so stressed out. I don't get it, when you're all stressed out, you're also making other people to be as stressed as you. Which also makes me being frustrated all the time. You know what, I tried to not to be moody these days, not to be frustrated. Who knows how I feel lah? Yes, God. But having all my not-close friends around. What's the point of living in this world man?
Everyday, trying to be like a fool. Finding someone to talk to. Who knows what's lonely means anymore? Only me I guess? I don't have a sister. I think all I have is God now. My friends, when I talk to them, its either being ignored or they're being stressed out. I don't feel the happiness around me, I don't feel the happiness in me. I don't have anyone to talk to, either.
Well I can always talk to God. I can.. but I really need someone, who's in human form of God. (You may say its Jesus) Sigh. Who will it be, I shall see. I believe God will send me an angel, soon.
My life is filled with sad pasts. Of course there's happiness, but who forgets the sad ones?
Okay what an emotional post again. Make it lively, I shall!
Oh wait, and again, to be honest, I don't feel good when people insult ZE awesome worship songs, it's so nice how can you not love it. :)
I shall pray for the people who don't like it then! :P
I shall pray that I won't have hot tampered. I know I'll be like ultimately annoying when I'm being angry. All the sarcasms HAHAHA, I bet no one will like me if I continue being angry all the time, anymore.
Indeed, Jesus you're the centre, everything revolves around you! ♥
Jesus is the most high, He's the awesomest.
Well what should I do now. Okay I shall end it with happy memories or testimony right?
Hmm, well, I went shopping like last month. Finally an outing with mom. YAY? HAHAHA.
I forgot what this place is called but this place has a lot of cheapo shops. AND YES, it's almost like ZE China town. :D You know it's ridiculous how this place sells clothes that are cheaper than Pasar Malam one?.. I'm not sure about the quality, but it SHOULD be good, depends on which shop you choose to buy? :O
A very nice pair of shoes, only RM20! But it's kinda small for me, I'm gonna wear it anyway! It's so pretty, I like it. :)
GUESS GUESS GUESS! GUESS WHAT I DRANK. :P
TADA! Aloe Vera is 100 times better than Bubble Tea. :D
How I spent my Valentine's day?
I spent with these two cute guys. :P You jeslous??
Itsbeentendays, huh? (Somehow I just didn't feel like clicking the unfairly long space bar button. Okay la, unfair for the keyboard's world. I'm good okay, I know how non-living things feel, but sadly, not how living things think/feel.
I'm so frustrated of everything around me, that's happening to me. I'm so tired, I wanna cut or chop myself into half.. (No just kidding that's kinda creepy.) I'm not taking BK already, I went for the first BK class but it really seemed like there's a lot to study. My results for the first monthly tests were.. VERY BAD. Exactly, how can I score if I take BK. :/ I'm not as smart as you all think I am. I'm.. actually a very blur kid.
Okay.. back to the I don't know how living things think/feel. How would I know?! It's so weird how people think so differently, how they react.. This post is getting emotional, but I'm gonna continue.
I think I've been cheated for like three times? Just thought I should start talking about my love story. TROLOL. Not like I had any serious relationship, I mean, NOT LIKE I had any boyfriend or fake relationship ALSO..
It was on the first night.. (WHAT??). It was on a Saturday, 23rd of June 2007. Yup, I met this very.. guy. :) And I don't know why I just liked him. He had two girlfriends that time.. at the same time (wtheeeeeeeck, I know right?), which one of the relationships was catogarised as not-so-serious relationship, another one, well, serious relationship. (I know!) but I just liked him no matter what. One of his friends told me that he liked me.. HAHHAHA, and he was having two girlfriends. (which obviously truth already told me I would get hurt but I still talked to him anyway.) Then he broke up with his so called girlfriends after he went to secondary school. We went to the same tuition to meet each other, and he was known to be my dream lover.. And it was funny. :D Right, I liked him like crazy, I was always feeling so excited to go for that particular tuition. After that, because of not seeing each other for quite a long time, his feelings for me faded. (yes..) after breaking up with his girlfriend (anyway that was the first time he cheated on me.), he came back to me and we started talking to each other day and night. (I KNOW I KNOW I'M STUPID) It happened for 3 times already. I'm so sure it's gonna happen again but I still forgave him anyway. It's kinda heart breaking to know that he's such a so not loyal person. But truth is, I LIKE HIM ANYWAY. I'm just gonna continue to be a stupid person, NO.
I always tried my best to not FORGIVE this guy but every time, EVERY TIME I failed. What am I supposed to do? I can't love anyone else? I want to try out some other person but wouldn't it be annoying? Therefore, I.. I'm just gonna live my life for God and put Him in the first place in my heart.
Choong Yew Han, it's not easy to move on you know? I never liked anybody else except this guy. It's already like my routine for almost five years. I hate that I like him. I don't really feel happy but I like him. Shiz, I don't want to, anymore.
I want to be free! I NO WANNA LIKE THIS GUY. But he's not going anywhere from my heart. He's such a jerk. :/
Even when I was typing or talking about how I met him, I smiled. Silly me.
I guess I should stop. This SHOULD stop.
Never wanted this post to be like this, but stories FTW! :)
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