bernicecheee. Name♔ Bernice Chee Wai Yee Nickname♔ Ber Age♔ Eighteen(2014) Birthday♔ 13th of September Height♔ Too short to be revealed Weight♔ Around 40kg. Nationalist♔ Malaysian Race♔ Chinese Religion♔ A follower of Christ & a child of God :)
Anyeongggg.
God loves you and He created the beautiful you and the jaw dropping universe. You are beautiful and unique in your own way so don't you doubt that. :D
"Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God."Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. - Luke 12:6-7
So, I just kind of argued with my brother.
I hate my rage, so so much. SO SOO SO MUCH.
Everytime I talk to him I'll be like.. talking in a way like I'm annoyed.
I don't know why I'm like that, seriously.
Can't I just speak nicely?
Thing is, I know, deeply inside me, that he's changed. He's changed by God. He doesn't smoke or does anything bad anymore. He's completely hated sins. And everything is because we have a God who forgives.
And I just remembered last week Sasha was sharing that "If God could send His son to die for our sins just because He loves us SO SO SO MUCH, when we apparently don't deserve it at all, why do we get pissed off by little things easily?" Yes, why am I sinning? What's wrong with me? My wrath is like.. overtaking my mind, it's so scary.
It's true that he's changed and he's sharing Christ with my parents, his friends (who are still smoking).. My dad promised to go to church with him every week but he didn't. (I didn't know about that since I wasn't in hospital after the accident happened).. This afternoon my mom was busy settling some income tax thing for herself and my dad's.. She was complaining how my dad always leaves these stuff for her to do and all.. Well that was after she came back with my brother from Post Office (to settle some road tax thingy).. my brother was sharing about Christ to her and wanted my mom to trust him that it wasn't 'that' drink that caused him to have voices in his mind. He told my mom that he would read the bible to her every night when she goes to sleep. And my mom is the kind of person that hates people who are so desperate to share.
I told my brother to stop annoying my mom 'cause I'm scared she'll get more annoyed and then she'll ban me from going to church or something like that. I'm so selfish. I told him that he can't expect everyone to believe him when everything is between him and God as Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship with God alone..
But he said I don't even attempt to change my mom.. and said that he wasn't forcing my mom to accept Christ but just trying to share with a soft manner. He also said that I was trying to stop him from changing my mom.
It's true though, that maybe I'm not desperate enough to change my mom, I always thought when God wants her, He'll do something to make her believe in Him.
I really really don't know what to do since I was told to NOT encourage my brother to do anything dumb like who knows if he'll go bang the wall again when he hears voices? I just didn't tell him directly that I trust him..
I don't want him to have the idea that he can do anything when I trust him.
But that was when he broke down, saying that he's very sad because my dad didn't do what he promised, none of his friends trust him when one of them actually witnessed the accident.
And that was when I broke down and he left the house. I prayed, asking for help, and I truly believe that He's heard my prayer and that He'll give me an answer soon. :) I thought of CG, that I've to lead worship tomorrow, I'll be singing "heart of worship".. and so I started singing that song.. until I reached the part - "I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it, when it's all about You, when it's all about You, Jesus." I felt REALLY REALLY bad for everything I've done, for my rage... everything.
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