"look back & learn"

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I've always wanted a DSLR camera, although I"m not a professional nor am qualified to be even a beginner, I still wanted one. There was this period of time which I wanted the world and there was another period of time that I didn't want anything, anything at all.

Now that I may be going to Korea to further my studies (just kidding, it's for holidays), I want one. I told my mom but she doesn't really agree, I guess? What if I say I would study hard for this, would she? I bet she would but the problem is I'm having a hard time trying to study. Although I've tried my best to bury my head with books (okay I'm definitely exaggerating), it didn't work.

God knows how hard I tried to study chapter 5 for Biology but ended up knowing that it's not even coming out. Still am lucky to know the truth before finish revising that chapter. I shall start Chapter 6 soon although Bio is on the last day? OKAY wait, not a good choice. I'm actually having a hard time trying to choose which science subject to start first LOL.

Haven't you heard of this verse? How can you blame God for everything that you've done? The choices that YOU have made. And the way you act, the way you think, it's not reasonable at all. So you've a loan from the government that was supposed to be FOR YOUR COLLEGE FEE but you just keep them all to yourself and want your parent(who cares about you SO much) to pay with her own hard earned money. You have 4 thousand with you and you keep it to yourself to 'save up' so that you could buy what you want. And she has to get her 1 month salary to pay for your FEES. You didn't even plan to tell, you kept it as a secret so that when you get what you want already she won't be able to do anything. You're a crappy genius!

NEH, I shouldn't be sad because of this. God will work on it, why do I need to worry so much about it that I can't even study. Probably just finding an excuse. Right, I'm going off to study! GOODBYE. :D


Okay I just destroyed my nice blogskin and wasted half a day to make this LOOKS nice but not of a use one. I'm gonna dieee. Monthly test is just around the corner. I'm gonna be dead in a few days time. I've only finished a chapter of Sejarah and am sure I will never pass any of my exams (you know my definition of pass is not merely pass but score at least a B, right?)

So yes, someone please do save me. I had the thought of starting to study since LAST month. Yup, thirty days ago and look what I'm doing now. I've only started everything last week, 1 page a day. I thought it would really keeps the doctor away but even doctors are lack of the knowledge to save me (not power because they don't have the power, they have the knowledge.)

After the 3 days of being killed (3 days of monthly test), I will redesign my blog so don't worry. I shall put a big close down for my blog or something before I get things done ._. but even so, no one would even realise 'cause no one reads my blog anymore, I guess? Since laziness is really overtaking me. I guess you need proof..  I will give you one.



Or two?



Let us make it three proofs.


I woke up at 2 today. 2pm. I guess I'm just gonna be a dead meat. Instead of raw ones.. You get what I mean? HAHAHAH (wait dead meats doesn't mean they are cooked)



I'm kinda dead since SCAS&FT probably won't be a good place for me to do charity work. Due to their place only decides to be a day care centre. :( BUT IT WOULD BE GOOD IF THEY KEEP THE CHILDREN TIL LATE AT NIGHT.

Nuuuuuuu.

I'm off for dinner buh bye. <^.^>;


Time is restricted to blog. I guess I'll just blog for around 10 minutes? Which obviously is not enough for me because I haven't processed what I'm gonna say. So I'll just speak rubbish, kay.

I feel like I'm a horrible person, or else why would I be left out then?

I'm always put in dilemma situations like, which 'side' of friends to trust? Do I trust the one I know longer of, or the one who seems to be so true?

The reason of being left out, it's actually only caused by myself. I involve myself in too many activities which I shouldn't. Why did I even join two clubs? Why did I even switch to KRS for the sake of maybe I would have fun? Okay I guess I shouldn't feel this way BECAUSE I didn't feel this way until I read my friend's blog.

Well, it's really not that I regret joining so many activities. 'Cause I once believed it would really help me in my future, that I would be a more independent and responsible person. But what if being dependent and irresponsible are just in my nature? The laziness and all the other bad bad qualities I have in me.

I was given a project to be in charged of by Melissa (the Leo President). It's a recycling project and was supposed to be done in July. I was told on the 27th of July, it was a Friday. I guess it would just sound like an excuse if I ever try to explain how I was in Penang to attend my uncle's funeral and that I couldn't do a single thing about it or even to think about it. I don't want people to think I'm a person who has all the excuses when I can't get something done, so I didn't explain. I guess I would rather be called irresponsible and let people be mad at me.

After the weekend, I managed to reach home at 4am on Monday. I had 2 hour sleep (if you don't count the interval time I was sleeping so uncomfortably in the car) and then I had to go to school! Oh I was almost late on that day, I only reached school when assembly started. Then I had 2 tuition classes to go to in the afternoon. When I reached home I needed to help my mother on house chores. The next day, well I had Chinese class and then tuition at night. I usually help my mom on sweeping and have my free time on a tuition-free day, so it was a Wednesday and I didn't get things done. Oh also, I was doing Treasurer Report(which is the worse excuse, EVER) Thursday was a tuition day so.. Time just passed like that, it was Friday and Melissa asked me how it was going. ._. BOOM, I said I didn't get anything done and I can bet she was so angry, very that she said she would pass this project to Wei Xuan and I said okay because my time is messed up.

And so now, I don't know if I'm still in charge of the project.

I promised or SAID that I would go for Leo Orientation Camp but pulled out at the last minute because my mom suddenly said NO to my wanting-to-go-for-another-camp request. It sucked, I cried. BUT SHE JUST WOULDN'T LET ME GO.

Just stalked Beverly(HAHAHAHAA, do I sound like a stalker now, are you scared?) and I saw all the LOC pictures I wanted to just kill myself because it seemed fun. I doubt my mom would let me go for LLC camp, really. I WANT TO GO. It's like UGHHHHH, it just might clash with my KOREA TRIP, I REALLY PRAY THEY WON'T CLASH, OF COURSE.

Then it's KRS Annual General Meeting. I felt so LEFT OUT during meeting when they had fun discussing about what they are gonna do this Saturday. I can't attend the LAST meeting because of my LEO meeting with the Lions. Am I just destined to not to have fun in life or something? Why am I always being stopped from having fun? Maybe I just had too much fun previously because it always seemed like nothing is gonna put me down. Is that even the right word to use?

I HAVE around fifty books to read ROFL, but they seem to be all romance books to me. Which I'm quite disgusted LOL LOL, I mean, imagine me reading 'I love you' I would go EEEEEEEE and shiver. Which reminds me of Lucy Rose, AHHH her song is just so relaxing, SOOOMEEE.



I've been using the computer for a LONG TIME. 1 hour plus and still haven't get the CF things done. NEH, the Minggu Pusat Sumber.. it's pissing me off man ._. I'm already so busy. UGHHHH, but I just can't leave myself to be a responsible person and not to care about it. So yeahhhh.. I'm gonna find some information about it. It's the least I can do. :/

TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT BABA NYONYA. I'm dying here.

Okay I'm not. I'm still alive. :')

God is amazing.

WOOOOOOOH, so I'm gonna start talking again.
Actually, if you were in my shoes (you'd be tortured due to the heat you would get there because there wouldn't have any air ventilation HAHAHHAHA), no okay serious, if you were me what would you do if you have a friend that you've known for more than 10 years(but you and that person aren't close) then a random person(seem to be a trust-able one) comes to you and say "that person is actually quite perverted". WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

A. To stay away from them. Both of them.
B. To trust either one, the long-known one.
C. To trust the seem to be trust-able one.
D. Just kill yourself already.

ALSO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO when a KINDA close friend of yours is being emotional because of your another not-so-close but he's kinda good to you except he's really mean to your KINDA close friend.. what if, if he insulted your friend. This friend who is really lovely but for some reason, she's being insulted. WHICH NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHY IT IS LIKE THISSS. :/ (but the truth is I can't judge cause I'm not close to anyone of them.)

A. To trust either one.
B. To trust both.
C. To stay away from him for this lovely friend.
D. Just go kill yourself already again.

I GUESS ALL I CAN DO, THE LEAST, I can do is only to pray? Got will eventually find a way? :) but still, GAH. I'm all sweaty after sweeping the whole house and now I've to be away from the computer when I haven't even done the CF baba nyonya thingy.. for this letting the clothes and pants and undies to be hung outside so that it will be evaporated by tomorrow and then I've to collect them again and fold them because no one does it except the saddest young girl in the house.

I'm like a maid now. Except I've to go to school everyday. AND WAKING UP BY MYSELF IS ONE OF MY HARDEST CHALLENGES IN LIFE, MAN.

Not to press snooze ever again because I WILL be late for school every time I do that. BOO. BYE before mom kills me.



I guess I should really express myself more, or to just open up myself. Maybe I just thought I had a part of myself that I don't want anyone to know about, but when time passes, I unconsciously prefer to keep everything myself. I feel better this way. Somehow it just makes me realised how God is really important in my life. If it's not him, I wouldn't be this strong to keep it all by myself. He's been a good listener, at least when I need someone, He'll always be there for me. He grants me peace, strength, something, really, that humans can't give. That's why I feel so blessed to have known about him.

Anything, everything, anytime, I would talk to Him when I need someone. I would show my weakest part whenever I confront the Lord, 'cause well, He knows it all, even if you don't tell.

You may rant, complain, get angry at His actions, but it's all in His plan and His plan is always the best for everyone of us. The amazing thing is that He will always forgive us no matter what we do but with a condition that we should repent when we know what we've done is wrong. You know how He's an amazing Father, really, He is.

I wasn't a Christian, I never thought I would be one but I'm glad that I am one. I'm glad that I've this opportunity to know the truth.

People say truths are always ugly. But why is this truth so beautiful?

Today I just found out an ugly truth which I've never expected to know it. I really didn't know what to do about it. Then I prayed. I like how going to church just makes me feel so secured and the naturally peaceful aura.. because of God's presence? It is awesome. Really, if you've a chance to even know this God, who forgives, who loves unconditionally, don't miss it. Of course everything will be in His plan, but still, having to know Him is my greatest happiness.

It might sound cliche but I really mean it. Maybe you just don't know what I've been through in life, but He has been a great guider, protector. Although I wasn't born in one really-into-kinda Christian family, cause well I've told before haven't I..? that no one among my family members really goes to church.

The ugly truth I was saying? I don't really feel like spilling everything out here, but it's about my brother. I was REALLY disappointed. It just showed how much I still cared about him. I admit I used to utter out some rough words to him because of his behavior and actions, but it was because I really cared for him. He just simply didn't get it, or still doesn't. It is so disappointing to know that how bad he has become. Maybe I shouldn't judge him by just looking at something that I am not even sure about what has happened. Maybe I shouldn't be so judgmental? But I feel like if I keep thinking this way, it would seem like I'm trying to run away from the truth. I don't know what to do about it, really.

To tell my mom, or not? It would be a big chance that he might be chased out of the house or something? I wouldn't want this to happen. My mom was already so disappointed. I guess I just shouldn't do anything that would make it worse.. :/ but what if he will get worse if I don't tell my mom about it? I feel so helpless but all I can do..? Is to seek help from the Almighty God :)


Exactly what Sarah was saying. I really appreciate her. She's such a nice person! I really admire how she's so faithful and brings happiness to people. She asked me about troubles that recently have been troubling me (cause I looked tired, I was) but I ended up telling her who I liked instead LOL. Oops. And it was after Kyleen went home AHAHHAHAHA. :D Now Ky you don't know my secrets :b

Just a reminder that ..