"look back & learn"

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Okay so I heard I haven't been updating my blog for awhile. Hmm.. After so long of wandering around the house (by sitting in front of the computer, HAHAHAH how is that counted as wandering) Uh huh, a wonder. Okay I don't make sense at all.

But that's how I start with this post, by being lame. Anyway, I'm going through, this, a midst of hardship.

Really, why does everything have to do with money? Everything is so expensive, seriously.
Now I'm being so greedy-minded. I want this, I want that. E.g. : A DSLR which unfortunately costs more than 2k. I want to go for Y.E. (Youth Exchange), also exceeds the amount of two thousand. I want to go to Jayesslee's concert, which again, money, though not more than a thousand but still, hundreds.

I feel like I'm a money sucker. But what can I do man? I really want all these. Sigh, just have to miss all these opportunities in life.

I also, surprisingly, am interested in going for the Leo Forum which also costs hundredS. Oh, and.. a lot more like camps. Church camps are always SO expensive, but yet too fun to give feedback.



So I think most of you are wondering where this blogger queen has disappeared to, to north, south, east, or west? I went to the core but I know you wouldn't believe it. True reason is that I had my mid terms.. just a week ago and it's over today but I don't feel happy at all though. I don't know why it's so hard for me to FEEL the after-exam happiness. At least if I'm happy for something it will never be exam. I'm more afraid of next week. What you think MY TEACHERS would do is that they'll slack, right? (since it's a week after mid terms and stuff like that) WELL I DOUBT SO, I think my add maths teacher will probably start rushing on that subject again. And then tons of homework will be waiting happily to be done by me.

Okay I shouldn't think about it. My preparation for exams have never changed (though I WANTED TO CHANGE IT LIKE SINCE I WAS NEGATIVE ONE YEAR OLD), the last minute thing? Everyone I know.. (not really) does that.. but their last minute is what you called a month ago thing. My last minute?! It's getting worse, Physics test today? Wake up to study at 5am. And that's really where I begin from. So for like Sejarah, I didn't manage to finish Chapter 2,3,4 and I don't remember anything about Chapter 1 except for the word Tamadun, that means a city or stuff like that.

Always regretted during exam week but I've never tried to change myself after that and instead the procrastination, unfortunately, becomes worse day by day.


Always happens, even I myself feel super disappointed at myself.

No doubt, I'm still like this DURING exam week.

If it's in meter form it would be exactly like this for me, or I'll just destroy the measuring instrument by EXCEEDING the skill of procrastination.




So, I just kind of argued with my brother.
I hate my rage, so so much. SO SOO SO MUCH.
Everytime I talk to him I'll be like.. talking in a way like I'm annoyed.
I don't know why I'm like that, seriously.
Can't I just speak nicely?

Thing is, I know, deeply inside me, that he's changed. He's changed by God. He doesn't smoke or does anything bad anymore. He's completely hated sins. And everything is because we have a God who forgives.
And I just remembered last week Sasha was sharing that "If God could send His son to die for our sins just because He loves us SO SO SO MUCH, when we apparently don't deserve it at all, why do we get pissed off by little things easily?" Yes, why am I sinning? What's wrong with me? My wrath is like.. overtaking my mind, it's so scary.

It's true that he's changed and he's sharing Christ with my parents, his friends (who are still smoking).. My dad promised to go to church with him every week but he didn't. (I didn't know about that since I wasn't in hospital after the accident happened).. This afternoon my mom was busy settling some income tax thing for herself and my dad's.. She was complaining how my dad always leaves these stuff for her to do and all.. Well that was after she came back with my brother from Post Office (to settle some road tax thingy).. my brother was sharing about Christ to her and wanted my mom to trust him that it wasn't 'that' drink that caused him to have voices in his mind. He told my mom that he would read the bible to her every night when she goes to sleep. And my mom is the kind of person that hates people who are so desperate to share.

I told my brother to stop annoying my mom 'cause I'm scared she'll get more annoyed and then she'll ban me from going to church or something like that. I'm so selfish. I told him that he can't expect everyone to believe him when everything is between him and God as Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship with God alone..
But he said I don't even attempt to change my mom.. and said that he wasn't forcing my mom to accept Christ but just trying to share with a soft manner. He also said that I was trying to stop him from changing my mom.

It's true though, that maybe I'm not desperate enough to change my mom, I always thought when God wants her, He'll do something to make her believe in Him.

I really really don't know what to do since I was told to NOT encourage my brother to do anything dumb like who knows if he'll go bang the wall again when he hears voices? I just didn't tell him directly that I trust him..
I don't want him to have the idea that he can do anything when I trust him.

But that was when he broke down, saying that he's very sad because my dad didn't do what he promised, none  of his friends trust him when one of them actually witnessed the accident.

And that was when I broke down and he left the house. I prayed, asking for help, and I truly believe that He's heard my prayer and that He'll give me an answer soon. :) I thought of CG, that I've to lead worship tomorrow, I'll be singing "heart of worship".. and so I started singing that song.. until I reached the part - "I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it, when it's all about You, when it's all about You, Jesus." I felt REALLY REALLY bad for everything I've done, for my rage... everything.

Just gonna share this song with you guys. :)


and this. :)


HOW GREAT THOU ART? ♥

Labels: Personal

First of all, I'll be sharing a song.. which reminds me of God's unfailing love.

Can you even imagine how painful it is to be whipped with so many different weapons, for so many hours?
Can you imagine how it is like to be nailed?
Your head, being worn a crown of thorns?
Being hung on a cross and NO ONE could save you?
Do you realise how much he loves us? To forgive us after all we've done to him. He only ends his life with "It is finished". And right after that happened, we're all saved by God's grace.

Grace, it is.. someone who gives you something that you don't deserve at all. Grace is something, not everyone can have..

Thank God for His son. Really. Thank You.
Thank God that he's resurrected on the third day.
Thank God for the greatest gift of our lives.


Yes, indeed, we were and are the reason He loves us.

I gotta be honest, I only accepted Christ because I loved to worship, without knowing what worship actually means. Now that I know, everytime I worship, is everytime I surrender myself to him, completely. I commit my everything to him and at that moment, he's my everything.

No one can take me away from God nor take God away from me.
He is my almighty God.

Never knew I'd be posting this but I'm gonna post up some PHOTOS.. :)

ah it's okay I'll post it on Facebook.


ZE MONKEY FRIENDS!


And they must have thought we're the weirdest creatures alive.

What are you waiting for?

Labels: Outing, Testimony