bernicecheee. Name♔ Bernice Chee Wai Yee Nickname♔ Ber Age♔ Eighteen(2014) Birthday♔ 13th of September Height♔ Too short to be revealed Weight♔ Around 40kg. Nationalist♔ Malaysian Race♔ Chinese Religion♔ A follower of Christ & a child of God :)
Anyeongggg.
God loves you and He created the beautiful you and the jaw dropping universe. You are beautiful and unique in your own way so don't you doubt that. :D
"Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God."Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. - Luke 12:6-7
This post marks my 500th post and I would like to post about my first mission trip. I went on the 24/09 (Saturday) until 25/09 (Sunday), I know how it's just a 2 days 1 night experience - if I actually really calculate it's just a less than 24-hour experience, but within the 24 hours, it was, hopefully, through my reflection, it would remind me how intense it was, and how God has been speaking to me before, during and after mission trip. I really think it shouldn't just stop there because I always believe that reflection and the actions you take after are important, but I haven't had time to do that. That's why I'm up early today to just have some alone time to reflect even though I have some piled up assignments yet to be completed.
I've been leading my CG for a while now, I needed some time to just be away to really let God speak to me and remind me again why I do what I do. So, I admit that one of the major factors that pushed me to go to this mission trip was not really to serve Him and His people, but I admit, that it was out of a selfish purpose - it was for myself - I really needed an opportunity to be away especially in amidst of my busy schedule - there's really hardly time for myself. I think throughout the 3 meetings prior to the mission trip (that clashed with my CG time) & even after actually.. the Lord has been rebuking my heart, that I was going because of a wrong motive. 😳
I would say even so, the Lord has been gracious. He has been merciful. He is ever so patient. I actually thought He would punish me or something.. but He didn't. I guess it was also His plan that I should be away? So that He would change my heart. Anyways, prior to the mission trip, I really have been praying in Bahasa almost everyday. (made me really how important our national language is, haha!) A day before the mission trip, I was actually really excited by what the Lord was gonna be doing throughout the mission trip! 😊
The beginning of the mission trip honestly didn't feel like it was anything like mission trip, though. Before leaving church, we had a few pastors and a passerby prayed for us. It was definitely cool that when these people knew that we're going on a mission, they offered to pray for us. I was asking myself, then, would I do so? I think it's so often that because of my ignorant nature, I would prefer not to ask so that I don't have to offer a prayer, or it's really that I haven't really put my full trust in praying, that there WILL be miracles that happen, if we humble ourselves to pray and BELIEVE that mountains will be moved, hearts will be changed. 🙏
After that, we started acting like Jakuns (it's quite sad that it has become an insult for ulu people, though) and climbed into the van through the windows. Hahaha, at the beginning I really refused to do so, but in the end, I did it anyways. Was convinced by the rest of the teammates that I won't get to do that in the near future, or, ever, in my life. In addition, we WERE gonna be visiting the Jakuns, anyways, so why not? 😛
Before we reach the Kampung (Kampung Gadak), we had a few stops - which, honestly, didn't feel like I was on a mission trip, at all! We went for breakfast and had wan tan mee in Cheras, then stopped by at the petrol station. After that, we went to Tesco.. 😱 Right? Is that even a mission trip I was going to hehe. Then I got a brand new towel because I forgot to bring a towel from home! HAHA! Then, we stopped by at Morris' house to pick his siblings up.
Things got real when we reached Kampung Gadak, but as I observed, I saw Astro on their rooftops! Super geng, like I don't even have Astro at home, haha! Anyways, we started to prepare station games, my game was a throwing slipper game, where it required me to pick up slippers for children after they aim to the boards. I guess even through that, I was reminded that in order to serve, we need to be humbling ourselves down, even when it requires us to do the lowliest job - how Jesus washed His servant's feet - all these services are never meant for ourselves, but it's in order that His glory may be glorified. The children were so happy to come together to play games. Although it was just an hour of promoting the carnival, almost 50 children turned up. Living in the village is really not like in the city, people from different kampungs know one another, they hang out at one another's house, leave their parents behind to attend carnivals even only at the age of 5.
After the carnival, we started to prepare barbecue for dinner. I was assigned to go to the kitchen! It was my first time to unwrapped and corns. Achievements unlocked man. Then cut sausages for the whole village, not even in a literal form, I swear the whole village came to join us during dinner time. Hahaha! 😂 Before dinner officially started, Uncle Daniel started up campfire and we surrounded the fire to worship God. Honestly felt like crying to see the genuine joy from the kids and everyone while worshipping God. Although it was just a worshipping session accompanied by 2 guitars. The joy was real! We sang a few Bahasa worship songs which includes "Kasih Yesus Indah O Indah" - which really, God's love is more wonderful compared to the rainbow, stars up in the sky and also flowers in the park! Then dinner started and sausages ran out within half an hour although we prepared like almost 20 packets of them - which initially was like a mountain full of them and I thought it was too much but obviously no, it wasn't. Never underestimate the Jakuns, man!
Then, we had a time of skit and sharing. Over 50 kids accepted Christ after hearing the message. I was really rebuked to think that they were just following the crowd to accept Christ. I was totally underestimating what God can do. Even, the chance of hearing the message of the cross, would change their lives. And honestly, it shouldn't be us who are changing their hearts, but God. God is ultimately the one working, who am I to say that they are not genuine, when the Bible says that we all should be children instead, that we all should have a childlike faith. Knowledge will only fail us. Although, of course, it is important to know why and how He saves us, but ultimately, it is by His grace and mercy that we have the wisdom to understand and believe, and especially when most of the time, it requires faith to believe what doesn't make sense to the most of us. “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me’” (Matthew 18:1–5). - "It is that honest and humble faith in God, with openness and unbridled joy. That type of happy authenticity should be a hallmark of our faith as we receive God’s gift in Christ." - for deeper understanding, go to gotquestions. 😊
It was also humbling to see that the Bahasa ministry people really ensured that everyone else, especially children, to eat first then only they would start eating. They really did put serving the children and villagers as their first priority.
It was then, a night of reflection at the church (Kampung Bukit Serok). We washed up and slept over there. The next day, we prepared breakfast and did some cleaning up, then we had a celebration service with the Sabahans and the children from Bukit Gadak! Really didn't expect almost 40 of them to turn up! It's so funny though, when we gave them sweets and ask them where should they throw their candy wrappers, although they said 'tong sampah' but they threw it outside the compound of where they are because that IS their tong sampah. 😅 Fail me.
Anyways, we had lotsa fun worshipping God while waiting for Uncle Daniel and Eugene to fetch the people to church. We had lotsa fun having an icebreaker session with the Sabahans as well!
Then, we all had lunch together. And guess what, hehe! We got to eat fresh wild boar meat! The pastor's wife of the church cooked for us and it was truly fun to have had the opportunity to eat 100% organic wild boar meat and learned more about wild boar, HAHA! Apparently the villagers always eat squirrel and monkey meat. Oh mai! Pretty weird, I wonder how they taste like!!
Then, uhm, we packed and went home! Before that, we stopped by and had dinner at 4:30pm. Can't believe we took almost 5 hours to reach back in PJ. Then, I bathed and knocked out, hahah! Although I really wanted to have some reflection time but I was really tired by 12am. HAHA!
Thank God, truly, for a time of getaway and a humbling experience to serve the Orang Asli! 😊
Okay so let me update you guys about mah life again kays.
I think I've cried twice this year, or more. Who knows? I kinda forgot already but okay the number of times isn't the main point. (somehow reminded me of the song Last Christmas, wert? 😮 - once bitten, twice shy, I keep my distance, but you still caught my eyes.. 🎤)
Okay okay so let's get back to the reasons that made me cry!
I think I should be setting one of the new year's resolutions to not cry! 😤 I'm already freaking 19 year old and I cried. What a cry baby. What a weak child. 😪
Oh ya so why did I cry? (I'm probably gonna be talking about some other stuff then get back to why I cried again but I promise I won't okay 😅😇)
So, the first time... Oh wells, can't exactly remember why because that was like last month or a few months ago? Uhm, OH MY GOSH WAIT. I'm not even sure if what I remember now was the first time I cried this year because that's quite recent (now that I think of it!) It was just the beginning of this month! I can remember quite clearly because it was on the LEAD Saturday.. when Pastor Eddy Leo preached that Saturday.. OH MY GOSH. THEN I REMEMBER AGAIN THAT THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY THE FIRST TIME THIS YEAR. *mindblown* I remember now about my first time crying which was in front of Terry oh my gosh. Supah embarrassing. Crying in front of people is already embarrassing what more in front of a guy. 😳 Although he's not like any other guy, he's my team leader in church, but still. O' WHAT A WEAKLING I AM.
Okay so in conclusion, I cried thrice this year. Oh wells, should have known since they rhyme!
So yup, the second time I cried was the beginning of this month because I was stopped by my mom before I headed off to church again. I was really heartbroken when I sneakily invited her to church but she said even if I pay her to go to church she wouldn't. I really don't get why she stops me from going to church. It's really not like I'm committing a crime or whatever so. My brothers go to clubs, gamble, drink and do all sorta stuff but they seem to be free and easy, but me going to church is as if I'm committing a crime even more serious than what they do, which don't benefit themselves at all! Then she added on by saying that the reason why she got me a car wasn't for me to go to church but to go to work. And I was just like wert. I really tried my best to not break down in front of her, and thank God I didn't. I had to jokingly assure her that the speaker who was going to be speaking is from overseas so he's really really good and I really really wanted to go. Although that time in my mind I thought Pastor Peter Tan-Chi was gonna be speaking!)
Ironically, the reason why I cried for the first time was almost similar to the second time except this time round I was storying all these to Terry. He was also sharing his side of stories and 'encounters' he had with his parents.
Sometimes being able to just express them all out feels so good! But Terry was so scared that the people in the restaurant would think that he was bullying me HAHAHA! 😂
And nope, don't guess because the third time that I cried was totally unexpected and wasn't at all related to the previous two incidents. Even to myself, sigh, I didn't expect myself to cry as well, it was the most embarrassing moment EVER. I didn't tell anyone except Meng Kiat and Kat. I'm gonna be telling Michelle and Kyleen. OMG, what's with the Ms and Ks in my life?!
Anyways, I suddenly feel lazy to type them all out but I guess this was also the main reason why I wanted to blog so, let me try my best to explain ya. 😅
So, as you might not have known, I was the Vice President of KDU Christian Fellowship. So of course I had to be there for any event possible, including the CF camp that we wanted to have. So it was I guess, fine that we didn't know the procedures because we were all new to the paperwork needed to be done, etc. What happened was, we invited the speakers before we even informed the college about it. The speakers booked their flight tickets and we were quite set and were ready for camp but we had a lot of details to submit to the Student Alumni Centre (SAC). So yeah, we tried our best to meet all the needs that they required. They wanted the speakers' CVs, fine we got them for them; they wanted the details of the game, fine we spent our nights burning midnight oils coming out with the most complete proposals ever. But still proposals after proposals, our final proposal got rejected because the head of SAC wasn't happy with the details we provided. He wanted more, he wanted the speakers to provide "some" details of what they're about to speak in camp. He gave examples like Chapter what and which verses from the Bible etc. But I guess he didn't know exactly what he was asking? That's why in the end there was miscommunication saying that he actually DID NOT ask for details of what the speakers are gonna speak. And the speakers misunderstood that the head of SAC wanted exactly what they wanted to speak and admitted that it was really offensive to them to be providing what's confidential.
So in the end we had to look for other speakers because the head of SAC decided to not have the speakers come. And also had to write apology letters to the speakers etc. And admit that we jeopardised KDU's name. THEN WE WERE LIKE WHAT BECAUSE THE SPEAKERS ACTUALLY ALREADY BOOKED THE FLIGHT TICKETS. But I guess God really works wonders, although the speakers ended up not being to speak for us but they were then invited by the other church in Klang to share, at the same period of time that we initially booked them for! Praise the Lord, He really has greater plans! And although in the end the CF camp had to be cancelled/ postponed, Meng Kiat decided to go for the church camp instead!
So anyways, the reason why I cried. I also didn't exactly know why. But guess what, KDU CF did the same mistake again! -_- well, we weren't informed that an email was sent out by the President to YB Hannah Yeoh personally to invite her to come and speak in KDU CF. 😪 Even before this for the country manager of Adidas, the same thing happened so our club facilitator and the head of SAC were really really pissed. So I had to get some scoldings from them and they asked me why was I always the one taking the bullets. I guess that's true, but what to do. 😪 But I guess I was really touched when Meng Kiat asked me with concern of which why I didn't get him to go look for them with me, so then I wouldn't have to take all the bullets on my own. I guess I was really really thankful to have met him although he's like a few years older but it seemed to me that he really cared for the people around him. None of the other CF members know about what happened except him and he really understood and even sent me some quotes today to cheer me up. 😢 #morethangrateful
So yea THANK GOD though, I didn't break down in front of everyone in the SAC room, but I still can't believe that I broke down in front of my club facilitator and she offered me a hug and EVEN started to apologise. I felt extremely sorry you know, 'cause it was REALLY just me being all emotional but she thought it's her being rude to me. I guess I was just really down and questioned why I had to be the one taking all the bullets on my own when it wasn't my mistake. BUT YUP AGAIN, what to do, as a Vice President of the club, I had to.
Made me realise so much that taking responsibilities is really not just merely taking responsibilities, but it also means that I will have to get the scoldings and bear the bullets when my members ever make mistakes. This has to happen for the coming one year! O God bless me!
But I think that isn't the most worrisome part. I think what makes me worry the most is the response I should give when the SAC head reacts sarcastically again. Oh wells, his wife is a believer but he's not. So for example when we presented our camp proposals, he just had to say sarcastic statements like, should we open up the Bible and study the Bible before you guys present your proposals? Or statements like, you made a mistake, what do you want to do now? Continue praying? Or jokingly say that he would be coming to prayer meetings every week after I officially step up the President position, etc. You know what, honestly, I don't hate him. I'm just really really heartbroken whenever he says all those because although he claims to go to church every week with his wife, he clearly doesn't understand how much God loves him. Because O God, I know that they are so much blinded by the world, by the Prince of the air, and all these people, they will never ever understand Your GRACE if it's not You who open their eyes and hearts to see You. You are the Only One who is able to do so, and I'm oh so excited to witness him being transformed!
It's been so long, I've been living my life as if I never had a blog. Sorry dear blog since I only remember to share my pain with you, never joy. Or, idk. I only remember your existence when I need you? What's that called again? Not mutualism nor commensalism. Something starting with a P. Oh, right, just googled it, it's parasitism. Oh dearest blog I bet you're hurt.
What. I'm such a weirdo.
So I just decided to visit my blog and saw the cbox section. Whoaaaa.. Never knew there are people who still would read my blog. Some more Jing Jing told me she just read my blog like wert :P
Actually what I'm about to tell you is mind blowing haha. I just finished my final finals for foundation like last Thursday. Can you believe that? 'cause I certainly can't. And guess what? I'll be starting my degree on the 11th of May. 😏 *feels so old and blogger should totally update this blog post section or add an emoji section so I don't have to go online to copy paste* 😏😏
And I stumbled upon these emojis and they are just so wrong please - 👭👬 - what has the world become to ohmai.
Oh wells.
Anyways, not exactly starting though. I can't believe the government has set to require us to study 8 frigging MPU subjects. 😭 is life all about studying MPU subjects now or what? Sigh. So I will have 3 months of studying 3 out of 5 MPU subjects and then officially start degree in October (September intake) and kinda praying that God would provide me to go to UK to study for my 3rd year. Huhu, no one knows about this plan of mine, but I really wanna get away form this town for a little while oh oh~ (somehow be able to link to Taylor's Love Story bahahaha.🎵 Knowing that song itself reveals how old I am eh?)
Chey, actually I'm not that old. Haven't even reached my last teen year (not yet but soon and that's just sad but also truly thank God that I've experienced almost 19 years of life? and a few wonderful years to have known Him. Certainly the most amazing few years in my life. Life has never been so good.)
But yah. I already studied 3 MPU subjects okay the government is just cray lah. And MPU subject alone has like the most assignments which doesn't make sense at all weihs. Out of 12 months almost 11 months of time spent on MPU. That is just indeed the definition of nonsense.
Okay lah, maybe not that bad. I still was blessed enough to have met nice MPU lecturers and even got to interview a Member of Parliament and found out a lot more about politics which was kinda interesting.
Anyways lately I've been sleeping a lot YAY. Public holidays are the best 'cause I get to not go to work and sleep in and all I do is just to stay at home and eat and sleep and of course finally get to do whatever I want which I haven't had that opportunity to do so for a VERY VERY VERY VERY long time already. To say that "it's been awhile" is an understatement. Like 10 meter deep down under the sea and under the under sea kinda understatement man. Thank God for this time to just slow down (BUT WHY IS TIME PASSING SO FAST I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO CLASSES SO SOON ALTHOUGH I DO MISS MY CLASSMATES)
Oh and I'm really really really excited for the PD trip next weekend. Although I foresee that it will be a very awkward time for me. I'm still undecided whether to bring my guitar or ukulele (bringing guitar seems so show off-ish and attention seeking I think I will just go with ukulele) :/ BUT I ACTUALLY REALLY WANNA PLAY THE GUITAR BY THE SEA ONE DAY, that's like the dream, but at the same time I don't wanna attract attention. #dilemma
Oh wells, I think I had just decided what to bring already?
Oh krep, I just remembered I need to come out with prayer items?? Oh yup yup that's for the upcoming campus camp we will have in July kinda look forward to it since it will be about apologetics but the preparation process part is...... OHMAI I KINDA WANNA ESCAPE REALITY FOR AWHILE LAH. Sigh.
Why, responsibilities why? When you are responsible in something you just can't be irresponsible although you're so tempted to just put everything aside.
Oh, andd I really am not capable and too irresponsible to take up the president post (of CF) lah.. Although at the same time I also feel burdened to serve. I thought high school was the end of all my responsibilities but now it seems like high school was just the beginning of everything man.
And oh God, help me be a responsible person, a good daughter to my parents please. :/ Lately I've been feeling so like urgh screw everything and that's really really bad. :/ Really really need to come back to the feet of God and lay everything there including my terrible behaviours, ew. 😭😭😭😭 definitely can't do this if it's not with God.
So I was telling my friends that I will be posting about this topic soon. I think it's been one month that I said that and that it's been occasionally flashed on my mind just that I had no time to do this. Not that I have time right now but I'm just gonna spill everything out here. :)
P/s: just to update about my life and what I've been thinking about lately?
I don't know but I think I really lack of time every moment. Like sleeping is such a time consuming activity but I need that more than anyone else on this Earth (obviously not, but I'm just saying I really need sleep, like NEED.)
I guess lately I've developed a bad habit of being late. (other than procrastinating - which actually I don't really have time to even do so anymore) I don't think I've ever been early for any meeting that I have to attend to, or rather, any activity or even classes. I really need to get rid of such bad habit because it's really a very bad habit. -_- Every time I tell my friend that I'm coming at that time, I won't. LOL, why? because I always underestimate the time which I have to take to prepare myself. I feel frustrated with myself also.
Also, I always have things to do in my mind and want to do them but in the end forgetting about it so I only remember it the next day and sometimes it's too late to do them. :(
Anyways, getting back to the title (which currently is empty, actually), I wonder.
It seems like everyone around me HAS a partner, so it really is normal that I wonder about it right?
I sometimes really do wonder, how love feels like. (or perhaps, not what love feels like but how being in a relationship with a partner feels like?)
Honestly and obviously, I can't answer questions like: would you get jealous of her if he [fill in the blank].
But I guess thank God that all the other people are able to answer?
The usually-speak-out-my-perspectives me remain so quiet that even if a needle falls on the ground you would be able to hear it, hah. -direct translation from a Chinese proverb lol, too lazy to search for a proper phrase.
Whenever my girlfriends stick to their partners and abandon my presence and I'm just like: how I wish they don't exist, (as in their partners la - I know it's the cruelest thing to think about lol.) obviously that's just that sudden thought that I have in mind, but I would just shift my mind to wondering if I would do the same if I really do have a partner, at the same time wishing that I won't ever abandon my friends.
I wonder, if I would ever sacrifice myself for my loved one?
I wonder, if I would ever think of him day and night and all I remember about is whether he has eaten, whether he has enough sleep, when he's feeling all right?
I wonder, if I would ever be irrational when it comes to things that concern him?
Then I wonder, if I would ever fight or argue over the smallest things with him if I really love him that much?
Would I nag?
Would I be able to hold my urge to hug him when I see him?
Would he be the one I would want to marry?
Would he be the only person whom I can't live without?
I wonder who he is?
But after all these wonders, I come back to my senses, knowing that God is in control. And, I really really hope with the relationship that I will have with this particular important person in the future, God will be the centre of our relationship. I know there's no point to wonder, because it's not under my control anyways, but sometimes I just do wonder, and I'm just being transparent towards you guys, and girls of course.
I know how this few verses have been taken out of context, like to the maximum, but I really do believe that when the word love is replaced by "God", it warmths my heart like cray cray.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
All in all, I know that He's the one I can't live without, literally. In Him we have life, through Him we're saved and made righteous.
Since there's actually a friend of mine who told me to update my blog. Why not?
So it's been one week plus since I started my classes and today was public holiday! Such a joy! Anyways it's quite tough for me to be typing now since my right middle finger is hurting so badly. Oh no, I think I've been inserting too much stress on my middle finger trying so hard to crack it but I couldn't so it's throwing tantrum on me.
Anyways did I mention that I got my own car for almost one month now? Just thought I should at least state when exactly I got my car hehe. :) It was on the 7th of January!
I haven't led CG for almost two months now I still haven't fully gotten used to it. It's been two months of really good rest and just getting back on track with God! I'm just hoping that with my soon to be busy schedule I won't be taking devotion time with God lightly all over again. Really need to humble myself to learn more about Him no matter where I am.
Until now, I'm still quite worried about leading the group of people I've been leading. It is such a prominent fact that we are such different people. Although I'm really trying my best to lead them, but truly, like what God was trying to tell me through Pastor Alex, that I haven't fully trusted Him and rested in Him. I really broke down when Pastor Alex was praying about that for me. The whole last year was me worrying about how good I had to be, how I needed to have the knowledge and me just belittling myself before every CG meeting. Me panicking every Friday night and on Saturday mornings. I think I still feel that way and it really is because I haven't fully surrendered the CG into His hands. Deep down I know He's with me and I CAN find rest in Him, but this step of faith, this step of just depending on Him, I haven't had the courage to do so. I know how I'm never gonna do it great if it's not with Him, even discussing with Lu-Zhong the other day made me just wanna escape from the reality that I'm a CG leader. To say that I'm alright would be a lie. Maybe before this what I didn't do was to admit that I'm not alright.
And that's how it is. If we don't admit that we're not alright, we won't be able to see how gracious this God is. Somehow typing everything out just reminds me of God's unfailing love that I so often have neglected because of the busy schedule I have. All the temporary escapes/pleasures like watching a few movies over night (in only one night), in the end coming to the reality that I have so much more to do. Procrastinating is never a solution but my flesh loves doing so.
Did I tell you about leaders retreat? It was on the 31st of January and on the 1st of February. On the first night I really did encounter God. Rose was just randomly praying for me but I knew that it was God making her to do so because it was about my priorities. (Which was a problem that I recently faced and was really upset about)
So the other day I was just having "family time" helping my brother for his event company's project. He was kinda "brainwashing" my mom about having me to work some time during weekends. That, of course, requires me to not go to church. Don't know if you knew that I actually insisted to go to church on the last day of 2014. I did, but of course throughout the process of convincing my mom to let me off, I was really trying my best to honour her. Obviously though, she's not happy with what I did - choosing church over money.
So that was the night that I raised my voice a little more at my brother saying "this life is so short but eternal life is super long". That was really because he was using lotsa examples of his friends and friends' parents not going to church because they realise how important living a "practical" life is. How they used to be leaders and now even on Christmas day they'd rather stay at home, etc. And my brother was telling my mom how he's "better" because he goes to church on Christmas day when his friend didn't.
But that contradicted with his belief of "going to church doesn't mean you're a Christian". Ah well, I'm really really praying that me going to church and choosing God over everything else doesn't seem like it's a duty but they can really see that it's because I want to, really.
So anyways Rose was telling me about critical communication, which firstly is to look for the mutual purpose and secondly the mutual respect between each other.
Just was really thankful that God reminded me to honour and find rest in Him.
Oh yea that's just a little update about me.
Anyways I was late for class on Monday and I didn't dare to go in to the class -_- so I skipped math class for the first time in my life. Felt so bad. :'(
I think I have a really really bad habit of always being late. Classes or meetings. Aiks, I think I need to make sure I'm prepared 15 minutes before every occasion. ._.
Just an update on my life so far. I'm finally done with Semester twoooo! :) Time flies! It seems like just two days ago when I met my classmates. Okay, maybe not two days but two weeks? That three days were spent in Muar! Ah, I miss Muar with them so much! Back when everything was still in good terms (not that it's not now, but I'd much rather hope things didn't have to change so much after!
So I was telling you guys about the two couples in my class? (not sure if I did, but yea there was, at least, one official one among my group of friends) And then soon after the other couple got together officially. This happened in the beginning of October? Which was only less than five months after college started! So yea, things accelerated a little fast. I was genuinely supportive of both of these relationships! I was pretty hopeful to see them last.. Reason being each of them from these two couples are my brother and sister in Christ! Even though their partners aren't believers, but at least they are! They know Jesus! Just that one of them might have been drifted away from God for quite some time already.. but I was really praying that this relationship they own wouldn't pull them away from God.
After a month of being together one of them broke off. It was really a news.. No one expected that, no one wanted that to happen, either. Reasons are still vague, at least to the public. No one knows why. Or maybe we do know, but we can't be sure. So I was alright with that but was just hoping that this break up would be for the better. It's sad though, to know that after that break up both of them became so awkward towards each other.. when I just started to get used to seeing them holding hands.. they then had to stay 10 miles away whenever they see each other.. (I am exaggerating)
Anyways, it was I guess, okay, to know the two couples sleeping together (one of them being unofficial though).. Just a condition that they wouldn't do anything else in the room..
But recently, after they got together, I felt like they have been sticking with each other so much that whenever I look for my friend, she's never around anymore, which really saddens me. We used to be so close and would talk to each other. Although I was being so supportive of the relationship before they even got together, having the condition that the guy wouldn't hurt her in anyway as the limit.. (I was almost the only one who was supportive of it), but lately, seeing them skipping classes just to have meals together, it really saddens me. Although it was nice to see after they got together they became so much more hardworking in revising, but.. the fact that I'm not close with someone I was so close with, saddens me.
We haven't been talking to each other for quite some time now.
I'm not sure if I was normal to feel that way. Maybe it's because I haven't been in a relationship so I cannot relate to why they have to stick with each other ALL THE TIME and ignore the world around them. As if we don't exist. That itself, made me think, a lot. I felt hurt. I felt lost.
So then I asked my two other friends who are in the relationship, (they set off one of the days of the week to go out with their boyfriend) I mean, I understand because of course you DO need to spend time with your loved one, but what about your friends? Do you just ignore them? They then told me that it's normal that they are like this especially during these crucial first few months. They are at their "hot" phase, where they only see the existence of each other and can barely see the others. Which although I'm inexperienced, I partially disagreed. Does love really go that way? You only stick with each other during the "hot" phase? Is that how the world define love? Or is there more to it? After being a believer, it's amazing to find out more about Love, about God Himself. He is Love, and He never fails. He didn't just die for us because He felt like it. His love has been so immense ever since day one! And that alone overwhelms me. There needs to be more than physical movements, there has to be. The intimacy with Christ was never physical touch, it was never just a feeling. I guess putting someone first and only seeing them as your world are totally different. We can't possibly love God and not love others. We are called to love Him, and then love His people. Although the world revolves around Him, but we still need to care about the others. Maybe this can't really be applied in whatever I was talking about so I will continue on with the story.
They have only been together for two months, and.. they have already been doing things more than just kissing. I don't know. I'm pretty sensitive over these, not that Christians are close minded our limit of physical touch in a relationship is holding hands (that's what the world thinks), but we choose to be pure before God. And what is the limit you need to set in order to be pure anyway? It's definitely more than that! It's about respecting God despite having someone who is also important in your life! God is the utmost important One! And He deserves us to have this fear of His Holy nature! He IS a jealous God and until and unless He makes both of you ONE, both of you AREN'T one. Sex in marriage IS beautiful. After all, His calling for us has always been to be fruitful and multiply (spiritually or biologically).
I just cheesecake-d again.
Yea anyways, love bites. I didn't know what to feel when I heard it directly from her. I was stunned. It has only been two months and that happened, what about the third month? Would you all announce that there's gonna be a child already? Temptations ARE real, and I'm very concerned, but I don't know what to do. I hope she's not blinded in whatever she's doing and would wake up but I don't know what to do to help her!! I don't know. I needed to talk to Michelle but she was busy yesterday! I don't know who to look for! So I talked to God, but God should have been the first person I look for anywaysss..
I found out about Anthem Lights and I like them? HAHAHA but too bad all of them are married! (Not that I thought of being one of their wives but..) HERE YOU GO. ANTHEM LIGHTS!
And one of them is ultra hot HAHAHA! And when he sings he's so hot also BAHAHAHA. I a bit siao now.
Actually honestly I don't think I'm the type who would scream when I see hot guys. Maybe I used to be like that, especially when my life direction was.. nothing, it wasn't to worship the Almighty/ to live for Him and in Him or anything like that. I think I used to stalk guys with my friend, Zoe when I was thirteen. HAHA, "when I was thirteen I had my first love"[baby - J. Bieber lyrics], it seems now like when you're thirteen you do all the weirdest stuff. Not that having his first love when he was thirteen is weird. But how does a thirteen year old define love, anyways?
How do you?
Going back to stalking guys, I think we weren't very creepy. We didn't follow them to the gents or did anything else that you may think is creepy. We were just teenagers looking for people who looked like my ex(crush) then somehow started to look out for good looking form two guys and labelled them as One Two Three Four Five Six. Now thinking of it, I don't remember who they are anymore HAHAH! The only thing I remember is that One looked a lot like my ex(crush) and Two looked like One. HAHAHA, some good memories there maaaan!
Okay maybe my memory is not that bad lah. I can still remember One and Two. Not the others though! I really don't. Meh, don't care~
Anyways ah, my life has been so busy since Semester Two started. It's so sad. I don't think I had a day off from everything. It's been too long! My Saturday mornings and Sundays that were meant for resting have been replaced by working. It's really sad how coming home means rushing assignment deadlines and completing homework. Hardly get to slack, even if I get to, I selfie. I know, I know. What to do man? Selfie is a frigging disease. I tried fasting it before okay! And that week was the most productive week in my life, no kidding!
I still wanna watch the movie, The Song badly lah! The Song's the song is so nice right? *mindblown* Yes, the song title is the song, the movie is also called the song! :O
Sorry I just cheesecake-d a bit!
If you actually are a regular reader, you would know what 'cheesecake' means. If you don't know then you ask the other readers or ask me lah kays. (I doubt there's even an alive human reading this but still)
I shouldn't actually be blogging since I have to start studying! Exams are in about two weeks! Armagaaaardddd. The stress. And I have so many things left undone! Presentation tomorrow. And truth is I just finished one a few days ago. D: And it didn't go that well. Hopefully everything goes well tomorrow!
I've been wishing to drive and wanting to get a car, a guitar and am actually waiting for my brother to get a new phone so I can "inherit" his S4! Half a year to go, YAY!! It gets kinda stressful to see everyone around me drive except myself. Some more I'm one of the earliest to get my P license! But they have instead, been fetching me around. It's really not that I don't wanna drive but I don't have a car!! I've been asking for one but at the same time I feel so bad. I don't get why the generation today demands every eighteen year old to drive!! It's like you're out of the norm and "rejected-ish" if you don't drive! Do you feel me? I'm not that rich sigh. If only I could afford my own car! (Which I think I will have to wait for a few years lah!), Definitely peer pressure and I'm really tired of waiting for transports that sometimes require me to wait for hours! Sigh, but all in all, I should still learn to be patient and grateful!
I do ask God for these things, but I know God knows best. He knows my real motive which I don't think I myself am very clear of. So really, my situation now is, demanding yet don't want to. That battle in me, uh oh!
A guitar because my guitar is kinda broken and it's quite old! It's actually sad you know.. I've been playing for years now but it's broken once it's passed down to me! Need a new one that sounds nicer! But I need to first learn how to take care of my belongings right? ;'( (you know I nearly forgot about my Mac in college!! And I already did forget my phone and left it somewhere in college for hours! I'm just really thankful that it didn't go missing.. ._.
^ Just a song that is kinda encouraging. I don't think a lot of people even think of looking for all those qualities mentioned in the song nowadays. Maybe it's because I don't look that pretty it makes me realise (or self-comfort) that looks can be deceiving and fleeting. But I shouldn't think that way right? Not all pretty girls behave badly! There are good ones too! HAHAH! But honestly and genuinely, I don't think anyone around me looks horrible!
So yea! I haven't seen any la! But I'm sure you who are reading this are beautiful in your own way so it's okay if you don't think you look pretty! We can look normal but we just do our best in being the best we can be, alright?? :)
I think I've told too much crap I need to stop so ciao loves! God bless and don't forget that God loves you k!
Okay. I don't really know how to communicate with this particular person. Everything that he does kinda annoys me T.T but he's been a blessing in a lot of people's lives. He is very different, he has been so. Sometimes these differences really pick our nerves but the other times they are just.. nice and laughable.
I was gonna rant because I didn't have transport to church again, SIGHH. But I guess all in all, I should be thankful instead (for technology) 'cause there is live stream YAY. So although I can't make it I can still listen to the sounds :'D but of course it would be better if I am present there myself. Life. :/
Actually I've been saying that and I don't think it's positivity. It's like I blame everything on life when bad things happen. Like I won't say "Life *yay*" when there are good things happening?? Sad life is sad to be taking the blame. HAHA.
Sigh, I guess my life can never be better if I didn't meet mah churchies. They are really there to show me a glimpse of God's love. I mean.. I'm ultra thankful for each one of them. So imagine life's good with them because they're showing 1/100000 of God's love. And imagine how unconditional God's love is (that it surpasses knowledge). I can't thank God enough that He is sovereign over all.
I need to be reminded though, that my aim is to follow Jesus Christ and it is really a question to think about : Do I want to go to Heaven because of God's presence or am I expecting a palace of gold and a place where I can get anything I want?
I was gonna rant but I've come to notice (again) that there are more blessings than sufferings in my life. Even if there are sufferings, I believe that they are good for me and it's for the glory of God. I'm really waiting for lives being transformed in my community and my household. God has His plans and I will trust His heart and trust in who He is.
Hi. I promised to blog on Tuesday but I didn't. HAHAHAHAH don't trust me when I say I'm gonna do something. I'm probably never gonna do it or I will wait until super last minute like in this case, one day [alright, not even half a day] before my second semester starts.
Okay my week has been nothing but busy. I don't think I even had time to slack. The day the photos of Muar and Malacca were posted up I was helping my friend to tag everyone HAHA. I'm so sampat and busybody :P (but that makes me who I am LOLs) Actually I'm still not sure what it means when someone describes me as a really sampat person. I don't actually know what that means until now. So let's take that as a compliment okies?
First day
Well well, I'm just gonna spam pictures k guys. Anyways we settle ourselves down in Ah Jou's second house and then we had a nap. Crap man, when you realise the couples around you aren't that innocent you thought they were. Couples started sleeping together omg so weird. BUT BUT before that we went to buy snacks YUMYUM. So we went to *I forgot where* but before that we ate like a super heavy meal [thank God for food, truly], we ordered all kinds of food but
couldn't finish all of them.
Then after that we only went to Ah Jou's house hahah. Oops. Sorry I mixed them up a little bit. :P
Then, then, at night we went to have dinner and had a plate of yam that is famous in Muar called "ORR HUANN" HAHAHA. Whatever la, the 2 yam rings that tasted awesome. After that we went to Tanjung Emas TADAAA. A tourism place I think! We played with bubbles HAHAH. We were like kids all over again, my friends even played with swings and the slide.
Group pictures taimeeee :P
Shervyn!
Failed jump shot with Ludi. I'm bad with these. And yup guys, I brought my ukulele there.
Second day
We went to have breakfast and we had the best (+cheap) chicken rice everrrrr.
I'm such a cutie ohmygosh.
That's Keith Tan Chuan Ji over there. [He looks good playing basketball HAHAHAHAH SHHH, GUYS - *lols actually the whole world knows that I think that way*]
Then we started our journey to Malacca YAYERs. A group of us went to Malacca's shopping complex called Pahlawan and the others went to A Famosa (why didn't I join I also don't know why lo). Ya, we went Malacca to shop. Genius right, us?
Ya I know you love me.
And lemme introduce you guys to the best coconut shake in Malacca. It was so good oh my goodness (you know how good it is 'cause even I who don't like sweet drinks thought that was ultra refreshing - I think the weather played a major part in promoting the taste)
Then of course not forgetting to selfie in the car while waiting to meet up with the rest of the FBIs.
Sometimes I think I look very pretty. AHAHAH #vain #lame It was also to show off the rings I bought from H&M at Pahlawan in Malacca. HEHEHE.
THEN ALL OF US WENT TO JONKER STREET! (This time including Ying Ye and Angie HEHE - they joined us on the second day)
hamsap Bernice lai liao guys.
GROUPIE.
THEIR DURIAN PUFFS WERE SO GOOD. Although one durian puff costs like RM2? Apparently they said the feeling when the durian fliud flows in your mouth is like your first love. -__- Maybe I haven't been in a relationship so I couldn't judge but (obviously it's not. What kinda metaphor LOLs)
Fine lo. See my face. Maybe got a bit la. A bit of first love taste. -___-
Then we went to drink coffee. It was a rule in the cafe that everyone NEEDS to order at least a cup of coffee but then I got to not drink HEHEHE. :P *special treatment*
with Jou Yee!! So pretty right!! And she's so tall!
They said I look like the You're an Apple of my Eye girl here when I didn't intentionally look at Keith LOLs. [kena caught oops]
We had the best night talking about truths and I was really happy that I was able to share why I chose to believe in God. Not much but it meant a lot to me since I was praying before the trip that I could at least share a bit about my belief.
On that night I also reaffirmed them that I don't like Keith but I liked some other guy whom now I really am pissed of at LOLOLOL. [but Shervyn told me he isn't counted as a crush so I'm assuming that I don't like anyone at the moment. Which is a good news to me I guess!]
Third day
Ate as many Otak-otak as we could because they were too good to be true. Pan Mee there was RM3 TOO CHEAP TO BE TRUE. Then it was time for us to go home Nuuu. T.T
But before I had to go home.. I obviously had to promote..... KFC. They didn't look for me to advertise for them... such a waste right?!
FINGER LICKIN' GOOD.
That's it for now. I'm having class tomorrow and tomorrow is the start of my busy semester. T.T 11 weeks of hardcore Mondays and Tuesdays. Busy all day err day. I'm gonna continue working during weekends too. WAHHHH and I have IBS and CG to work on uh oh. But, but, I'm very sure that I can go through all these since I have God who gives me strength. Hehe! :P
Anyways working has been great I guess! [For those of you who didn't know, I'm working at Beebop Circus, The School, Jaya One] HEHE they started to allow me assist classes. Today was farney since I sang one of the songs too high I couldn't reach the next word in the lyrics myself LOLOLOL. Working had been nothing else but memorising marketing stuff + song lyrics for the past few days. HEHE. Working with kids kinda makes me become energized but having the thought to need to go to work still makes me feel dreadful to even think about it.
I had to wait two hours for my brother to come pick me up just now. I actually felt really numb and thought I felt so for a very long time but when I went home I started crying for God knows why. The thought that I thought I could be strong made me feel like I was the weakest person on Earth after that. Wert. [I don't get myself either.] But everytime these thoughts appear there's this peace in me that assures me that if all these didn't happen I wouldn't have come to know Christ as my Lord and Savior. All these plans were all planned by Him and had been nicely planned. I'm just really learning to commit and surrender every worry I have unto Him who loves me and was willing to send His Son to die for me so that I can be presented Holy before Him. #super #blessed
To drink alcohol, I mean. And my parents are both not obligated to take care of me anymore. Which means, I can be kicked out of the house any second from 13th September onwards. Oh no. How can I live out there alone? I'm still a kid, right? According to everyone I know? Maybe I do act like a kid but I'm pretty mature okeizz. V^.^V
Managed to catch up with these people on Wednesday night! (even before my first semester exam ended!), but I didn't have the pictures until Friday so here you go! Be prepared for a lot of pictures of me and them! (I've become even more vain compared to last time, so)
That was Wednesday night for me. Wanted to try out inside scoop with them but it was closed already at 10pm. Super early right?! Who says you can't eat dessert at midnight. Eh imagine they have a store mainly for desserts past 12am! That would be kewl! (innovative me lai liao)
On Thursday I went to One Utama with my college mates after my last paper! I suck at accounts lololol. Btw that was the first Sushi Zanmai for me. California handrolls are too good who created it omgomgomg. And wasabi is so niceeee. :'D Although I almost cried eating 'cause it's so fun to eat hexhexhex. Anyways, that was also the Maze Runner day. Everyone is so crazy over the MinHo from the movie now. I'm not, so I'm a hipster. #Chey.
Then Friday comes ahhahaha. I'm so perasan actually. I thought going out with them four on Wednesday was them planning a surprise party for me but no. Darn smart you guys. Made me had expectations but then it was just a simple catch up session AHAHA. Anyways I thought my college friends knew when my birthday was but no LOL. They didn't know. So another high expectation (not that I was sad knowing they didn't throw me a surprise party) but Shervyn my close friend from college did remember! Thank God so much for her la. My classmates are mostly all from different religious background but I thank God I have at least a person whom I can share the joy in trusting the Lord Jesus Christ. You know she's like the prettiest girl in class and in college so all the guys are crazy over her, but she still likes that one classmate of ours. LOL. She's so crazy over him also. HAHAHA I don't know what to say. Everyone's around me is in a relationship it feels so weird.
#cheesecake - a term used to describe when someone goes off topic. (I cheesecake a lot with my church friends. We have too much to talk about everytime we catch up :'D) Love them to the moon and back seriously. So it's kinda sad when we have a meeting for a certain agenda but we end up catching up for 2 hours then have to finish discussion within 5 minutes because it's normally already 11pm LOL.
Anyways, FRIDAAAAY. (12/9)
It was also Jo-Ann's birthday I kinda missed her. We used to email each other every week and we shared a blog in case you weren't aware of it. Even if you did, uhm the blog hasn't been updated for years already. It's sad.
Yes, yes, come back to the topic where I went out with my college mates!
Actually really, it was to teman this girl to enjoy her last stay in KL(or rather, PJ). She finished her first semester in KDU but decided to stop the course because she has some other plans for her future. I actually really admire her courage in doing so!
More selfies with my new toy- selfie stick :P
Meet the prettiest girl form my class! :P
Thank you Shervyn for remembering my birthday and came to surprise me with a cake. Can't thank God enough for you. :'D
Shervyn left and so some of us went to the Curve (from One Utama) for Escape Room. Jou and I didn't have to pay because we are September babies. :P
Farewell, Jou! Although probably gonna meet her next week because of a trip to Muar HAHAHA! (that's if I can get leaves from work. T.T)
Thanks Shervyn for the cake, And Gan, Ludi, Ken and Jou for the album!
Had a really good day. Thanks guys! :'D
Then at night, Yew Han and friends came to surprise me. Aren't they lovely?
Yup, I was in my pyjamas.
Guess what's inside -____-
Thank you so much girls!
Ultimate organizer didn't get to take a close portrait with me so we went for special- landscape photo :P
Finally met up with Twinnie :'D
Assistant organizer who chose basketball over catching up with me.
Guess I can never repay you girls and you, Yew Han. It's amazing how you all would spend your Friday night to give me a surprise when I'm always so caught up with my church activities and too busy to catch up with you guys. Do know that even when I'm busy, I'm very willing to be there when you girls (and you, Yew Han) need me, okay? Xiexie!
Then Saturday was a very very long day for me 'cause I had to attend Leaders' Retooling in the morning! And guess who got a birthday cake from NextGen?
Thank you Pastor Alex and the other leaders who were willing to give out 20 minutes of their time to celebrate Marn Hoe's and my birthday. (Okay actually Marn Hoe's birthday is end of the month but this huge cake was for September babies so - too bad Luzh wasn't around or else he would be in the picture too!! But we celebrated his birthday during church wide leaders' meeting already so.. too bad lo)
By the way, he's Li Yen's brother and he dances really well ahhahaha!
Then, then we went for lunch (apparently) to celebrate Yennie's birthday (that's what they told me) but the people who appeared were my CG members. -___- what did you expect me to think? Anyways, Yennie was there too, so I think I suspected but I just let it be. Didn't want to think so much hexhex. But I was ultra grateful for each one of them and their intention to just wanna make me feel loved. You guys have truly, succeeded!
Thank you guys for the lunch although it was really really expensive but you guys still decided to pay for me.
Although I insisted not to!! :(
And my reaction when I received my Kendama. (thanks Chee Hong for the video hahah!!)
Thank you guyssssssssss!! :'D
Last but not least, dinner time with the DG and the others! :D :D I've only got a picture of my DG though! To more pictures to come!!
It's 2:00am now and I'm working tomorrow. Will update you guys about that some other time.
Thank you so much to whoever that was involved in any way. UGGGGH WAI YOU GAIS GOTTA BE SO SWEET?! k love you gais I gotta ciao.
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