"look back & learn"

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So I was telling my friends that I will be posting about this topic soon. I think it's been one month that I said that and that it's been occasionally flashed on my mind just that I had no time to do this. Not that I have time right now but I'm just gonna spill everything out here. :)

P/s: just to update about my life and what I've been thinking about lately?

I don't know but I think I really lack of time every moment. Like sleeping is such a time consuming activity but I need that more than anyone else on this Earth (obviously not, but I'm just saying I really need sleep, like NEED.)

I guess lately I've developed a bad habit of being late. (other than procrastinating - which actually I don't really have time to even do so anymore) I don't think I've ever been early for any meeting that I have to attend to, or rather, any activity or even classes. I really need to get rid of such bad habit because it's really a very bad habit. -_- Every time I tell my friend that I'm coming at that time, I won't. LOL, why? because I always underestimate the time which I have to take to prepare myself. I feel frustrated with myself also.

Also, I always have things to do in my mind and want to do them but in the end forgetting about it so I only remember it the next day and sometimes it's too late to do them. :(

Anyways, getting back to the title (which currently is empty, actually), I wonder.

It seems like everyone around me HAS a partner, so it really is normal that I wonder about it right?

I sometimes really do wonder, how love feels like. (or perhaps, not what love feels like but how being in a relationship with a partner feels like?)
Honestly and obviously, I can't answer questions like: would you get jealous of her if he [fill in the blank].
But I guess thank God that all the other people are able to answer?
The usually-speak-out-my-perspectives me remain so quiet that even if a needle falls on the ground you would be able to hear it, hah. -direct translation from a Chinese proverb lol, too lazy to search for a proper phrase.
Whenever my girlfriends stick to their partners and abandon my presence and I'm just like: how I wish they don't exist, (as in their partners la - I know it's the cruelest thing to think about lol.) obviously that's just that sudden thought that I have in mind, but I would just shift my mind to wondering if I would do the same if I really do have a partner, at the same time wishing that I won't ever abandon my friends.
I wonder, if I would ever sacrifice myself for my loved one?
I wonder, if I would ever think of him day and night and all I remember about is whether he has eaten, whether he has enough sleep, when he's feeling all right?
I wonder, if I would ever be irrational when it comes to things that concern him?
Then I wonder, if I would ever fight or argue over the smallest things with him if I really love him that much?
Would I nag?
Would I be able to hold my urge to hug him when I see him?
Would he be the one I would want to marry?
Would he be the only person whom I can't live without?
I wonder who he is?

But after all these wonders, I come back to my senses, knowing that God is in control. And, I really really hope with the relationship that I will have with this particular important person in the future, God will be the centre of our relationship. I know there's no point to wonder, because it's not under my control anyways, but sometimes I just do wonder, and I'm just being transparent towards you guys, and girls of course.

I know how this few verses have been taken out of context, like to the maximum, but I really do believe that when the word love is replaced by "God", it warmths my heart like cray cray.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV)
 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

All in all, I know that He's the one I can't live without, literally. In Him we have life, through Him we're saved and made righteous.