"look back & learn"

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I guess I shouldn't ditch this blog. So I'm back to blogging now. :] Well, I think I should blog, because, I should.

Hmm, I've been revealing myself too much on twitter! Too much of my emotions, feelings for someone -_-, whatever that were posted there, too much. Just because it's private I thought it's safe but in fact I should blog about it instead because no one reads my blog, I guess.

I, uh, suddenly, God knows why, think about a guy every single day. This guy, isn't really nice but IS nice (okay whaddakrep), he, uh, is nice. See, I don't even know his characteristics. He's a guy that I don't know well, a good friend that I never wanna lose(one of the reasons I would keep this secret admiration to myself instead of telling everyone like I used to -.-) I don't know why I just think it would really be horrible if I get ignored or rejected, I will never want things like that to happen. -___- And truth is the last time I fall in 'like' was five years ago so I'm like super drifted away from feelings, y'know kinda thing. Not knowing what to do, everything is just like the beginning. I'm very clueless and insecure about every single detail.

In addition, the promise of only being together with someone after I turn into eighteen will never change. I'm lacked of confidence, I mean, no one would like me in that way. I'm a person that wishes to bring the world happiness, therefore maybe I would act as crazy as I am/can, that unfortunately would ruin my ladylike image(which I don't have that, sadly)- I don't sit like a lady, I don't eat like a lady, I am not gentle, I am always in angry mode, I am super annoying, etc. No one would.

Not that I'm sad about it. I'm sure someone would, someday.

Mom's birthday today, 29/09/12..
She's out celebrating her birthday and I'm home alone.
But I, unintentionally spoke rudely to her before her birthday, well because.. I don't know why I just did. I felt so frustrated I don't know why. -_- I think I was frustrated how I really procrastinate a lot. I want to study but my mind wouldn't bring me to books but to anything else like the guitar(UHH, great distraction), the computer(which was repaired just right a week before exam, #likewhat)

Even after it hit me, I am still procrastinating, that shows how useless and lazy person I am already, no? I guess now, I should find some motivational quotes and just give myself a wake up call. Or to flip through the bible. Maybe it's because I didn't pray for determination to be in me. .__.







Yes I'm finally sixteen the day before yesterday. Okay or should I say no instead since I'm getting older? Hmm, the world outside doesn't seem like a world filled with honey and milk/milo. yeap yeap I just drank Milo, if you wondered why.

Before I blog abt how I celebrated my birthday, I think I should get to how I've been doing first. Or what I've been doing.
1. Eating, of course. Without food you will die. Unless you're in heaven now.



2. Nom nom.

3. Nope, I don't exercise.
4. Worry about how I might get fat soon.
5. Back to eating.
Etc. You know how interesting my life is now.

So I'm going to brag about my birthday celebration now, or not. I don't need to brag. What I did on my birthday was that I ate. Japanese food (Y).
So interesting la my life. I bet you're jealous.

3 weeks to year end examinations. I hope it will be good to me since I'm too cute so it should be nice to me. And I guess I'm the only one who hasn't started studying. My class is definitely a scary class, or the scariest. It's hard to imagine how people can give up on everything else just to study and get good results. It's also amazing how the other classes or people can just neglect their studies and complain about their lives. Come on, think of people who are unfortunate man, do they even get to study and enjoy life?

Not talking about anyone, it just appeared there like that.

I guess everyone who knows I liked someone else is curious. Sigh, too bad this will only be a hidden feeling cause I don't think I will ever confess to that person. All I can be sure of now is that he will never like me and high school puppy love never lasts. I've been liking someone for five years I dont wanna get hurt again, or get rejected. Hmm.. Especially when I might make him hate me for the rest of my life. Don't worry I'm not obsessed with him. As long as I keep this as a secret the feeling wont grow but will fade. :D isn't that a good thing? :) relationships are too complicated for me.. Okay why am I talking about that.

Shall prepare now and go to church soon. Bye.


If you know me, you'd probably think the weirdest side of me is that I really take birthdays seriously. People often ask why, i guess I've found myself a really good excuse that if you ever know why, you would stay silence right after that. It's really something so private that I've planned not to talk about it here and create a new private blog just to express my deepest secrets. Now that I know no one really reads my blog(I hope), I've decided to blog about it and I pray that everyone would keep their mouths shut and not spread around. I mean there's nothing too special to let this secret be known.

Furthermore, not that I'm telling the whole thing. So I beg your pardon that you will NOT judge me after reading this.

You see, I've always been overreacting about birthdays, be glad if I remember when your birthday is because it shows that you're an important person of mine. Well, truth is, it's only on my birthday that my parents would agree to have a meal with me. It's like an annual family gathering on my birthday every year so I am always happy when my birthday is near. Whenever I know one of them can't make it up for me, I would be really disappointed until I cry. But if they can make it to even have a meal with me, I would be really grateful and happy. Unfortunately, my mom always refuses to eat with me because her singing competition always clashes with my birthday. God knows why.

It so happen that this year, when I found out that she might be free, I'm really happy about it. Like seriously.. I might sound like a child that has been terribly rejected by my parents but maybe that's why I'm so LOA in front of my parents. They will never get why I'm so concerned about my birthday every year. My birthday is near so my dad bought me a box of cheese cake for me from secret recipe. I was grateful but would be more grateful if he didn't buy an rm80 one. I don't know why I get so emotional about it. It seems like his hard work and sincere heart are wasted just because no one even thinks to celebrate my birthday with me. He shouldn't have bought it this early.

For the past years, I felt grateful to have meals with my family members that a cake meant meaningless to me as long as they spend time with me. Am I really inconsiderate to want everyone to spend time with me? My mom just scolded me because I was inconsiderate when I complained that why would my dad even buy a cake when no one wants to celebrate with me. Do they really expect me to celebrate it alone. I thought I was really forever alone then. That's why I cried. I mean wouldn't it be sad to see someone having a big cheese cake and has to celebrate it alone. Just imagine that she sings happy birthday song by her own and then cuts her huge cake alone.

You may think I'm blaming my mom but no. More to go. My dad, he has never been one really responsible guy in the family. I'm sorry to say that. I did ask him but he blamed it on mom, unfortunately. A family of five can be as complicated as a family in HK dramas. It would be weird to say this but I desire my parents love that's why I always listen to their advices like to not have any boyfriend at this age(i understand that it is for my own good) whatever I did was to hope that they would see that I'm a good girl and they should at least love me because I listen to them? Cause I thought having a boyfriend would be the main cause for a scattered family. That's what I think. Imagine I'm a rebellious useless kid. Wouldn't they love me less?

I sound like a really depressed person now, huh? But that's the main reason I became a Christian. Because my parents are too busy to care about me, that's why I go to the Father who will never leave me. At least no matter what happen, God will still be the faithful one. No matter what I do He will still forgive. I mean, after all He still is the Almighty creator.

I hope whatever you've read stays here. Don't remind me of this either, don't ask me about my personal problems, just let me be who I am. Really, I still have dark secret in me that I don't wish to reveal. I'm not allowed to, too. Don't force me to tell. That's all I ask for.

Thank you for reading. God loves you.

Labels: Personal

David Choi really writes/composes nice songs. Even if you don't agree or have never heard of any guy's name David Choi, I, Bernice Chee Wai Yee (the one and only cute person HOHOHO), hereby announce that you are now trapped, too bad. (if you wanna know who I like *coughs*...)



So, how was it? Nice, RIGHT? (Don't answer me left, I will spank you.)
Won't you now just play the following songs I'm gonna be sharing? Trust me they are all nice. :]



HE'S SO TALENTED OMGOSH!



The truth is WONGFU always uses his music as background music LIKE IN ALMOST ALL OF THEIR VIDEOS. (Y)



I guess I shall stop posting stuff that you, some readers (or not) have already known?

I think I should be grateful about stuff and actually I am grateful for already, very. Okay, I have both bad and good news. Which one you do prefer..? I know I've told this to the WHOLE WORLD but in case you still don't know, I couldn't finish doing my Physics and Chemistry paper (almost half of them) but thank God! thank God that I still passed them! I'm just kinda worried of my Moral 'cause teacher kinda said something like.. we didn't do a good job. Oh one more good news, I passed my BM too! (Y) I mean, I knew I wouldn't fail it but I didn't expect to get such a low mark but WHO CARES ABOUT MONTHLY TEST.? Okay they actually care ._. those nerds in my class which kinda include me I ADMIT. 'cause I did STUDY for Monthly test okay! When I knew how I didn't even get to finish things that I knew how to do. That was the worst feeling, pfft. Or maybe not, I really really thank God that I can at least pass. AT LEAST I TRIED MY BEST OKAY.

Alright, I need to complete something for Mr.Mail. Wanted to do my report but as usual, got distracted by what's in front of me now. There, the laptop belongs to my brother. In case you're still living in your cave not knowing anything about me, the reason I don't go online much is because my computer had just done a great job in pissing me off about a month ago? It would auto shut down by itself.. -_-

God bless me for year end exam.

Now, that's the real exam.


You believed it, didn't you? Ah, naive like me nia.( I meant it really look like a lizard..) BOO I gotta go now.


I've been slacking the whole morning. I woke up at 10am wishing that I would finish studying my Bio Chapter 5 but I didn't. Okay, so I was using the computer with the excuse of JUST doing an August report as a Leo treasurer. After doing the report, unfortunately, I wanted to change my blogskin but I just couldn't find any nice one (I spent almost an hour on that.) Great, now I've no time to study and I still insist I should blog first before studying. I haven't taken my bath YET.

I want to blog although I don't know what I should blog about. Okay I thought of one.

Pn Chung is really.. making me speechless, how should I react when she promised me something and she didn't do it? She promised me that she would be in school the next day but she didn't. I hope my project wouldn't be canceled because of her. LIKE SERIOUSLY. Or else she's gonna blame me for not being responsible enough, I'm tired of her talking so much. Although, it's undeniable that sometimes she's really nice, or looks pretty when she smiles, 'cause the truth is everyone looks pretty when they smile. :)

Anyway, don't you get it? My main purpose wasn't to talk bad about Pn. Chung, but to share the message that everyone is beautiful when they smile. :D So, smile!


That kitten is an asian.

Do you know there's a song's name called 'Senyum' that has been playing for a pretty few times on the TeeVee? (thought about Terry Tee, or rather, his terry-ble lame joke Terry-yukcy Chicken) TOO MUCH, I should stop sharing his jokes around. ._.

So I'm not planning to buy a DSLR camera anymore.. because of some reason.. hmm, not that I'm sad. I STILL WANT A BETTER CAMERA. :D Off to bathe, I shall. :) Have a great day people! Anyeong! (trying to be a Korean HAHA)