"look back & learn"

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Itsbeentendays, huh? (Somehow I just didn't feel like clicking the unfairly long space bar button. Okay la, unfair for the keyboard's world. I'm good okay, I know how non-living things feel, but sadly, not how living things think/feel.

Labels: Personal

What happened today was crazy. I still can't forget how it sounded and how it looked like, so scarily. Who knew that it would happen? Imagine yourself walking on the road one day, you're about to cross the road, you're so excited for school, you studied last night for today's exams, looking forward to get good results so that your hard work will be paid off & that the school is just right at your sight. The next thing you know is yourself laying on the road, weeping for pain. You mom rushing down from her car to go towards you and cries because she's panic. Your younger brother shows you his love for you, for the very first time.

"Bang." I was so shocked when I heard that. I turned my head and my vision led me to a helmet that had just landed on the ground. Everyone else around me was busy looking for the source of the sound. I walked a few steps in front, to see one of my friends squatting down crying.. Her mom rushed to her and began to cry too.

..
I bet you don't like the story.
..
.
But it did happen, okay.

Right in front of me.

Long story, short, one of my friends Jeanette got banged by a motorbike. I was honestly, traumatised by the accident although I wasn't the one who got banged.

I'm still gonna continue the story, because I'm the one who's blogging, dude.

.. Then I saw the motorbike 'rider' (??) laying down on the road.. Nearly fainted (well, actually I'm not sure about that but it was sad to see that His motorbike is just right on top of both of his legs. Sad, huh? That's why, no one will know what would happen next minute, except God.

I don't know either.. not the after-story of the one I just told you, & not the future, too.

So yes, here I am, to pray that the rider and Jeanette won't be injured badly. & also for their parents, to not be too worry about them. :)

Btw, exams today were ._. I was totally speechless when I saw the Chemistry paper.. Too easy, NO. Oh my gosh, I seriously have no idea how I'm gonna sit for the rest of the subjects tmr & the day after tmr.


Y IS EVERYBODY ELSE BEING SO STRESSED OUT ABOUT EXAMS (not even exams but monthly tests) THIS TIME?

Labels: prayer

To take BK or not.
I've been thinking of the same thing for the past few days, or for the past few hours.
I was really stressed out about myself being stressed out in the future.
I've 10 subjects to study now,
1. Biology
2. Physics
3. Chemistry
4. Mathematics
5. Additional Mathematics
6. History
7. Moral
8. English
9. Bahasa Malaysia
10. Chinese

And obviously, it'd be eleven if I take BK. Problem is, can I do it? I'm not as smart as you think I am. If you think I can, excuse me, when the genius Fiona is being stressed about taking those 2 subjects, what makes me think I can do it.

I reflected myself when Pn. Julie said, it's okay to take BK, if people say you're crazy to take BK, it's okay to be crazy, for God. But can I be crazy for God when I'm all stressed out about all the subjects above?

I know how I'm lacking the faith in myself, and also in God. I should trust God in everything. I know I should. But still, when I think of it. I'm really not smart enough to take 2 extra subjects. Furthermore, it's hard to get an A for BK because we're living in this Islamic country, which has a ridiculous rule that forces every Malay to be a Muslim. Not that I don't respect Muslims, but don't they have their freedom to choose? Being forced to be one doesn't mean one will be faithful to be what he needs to be. I might be caught for saying this, because who cares about democratic anymore, when you're forced to do/be something you don't like to do/be.

I know I sound ridiculous. I seriously wanna take BK, but everytime I think about it, I'll be all stressed out. Really. Taking BK is like taking a risk, for God. I want to risk for God, but am I qualified to risk for Him? I know it's not about getting an A, but I need to get scholarship. Need. I'm just feeling so helpless. True friends, where are you? To the person I've known and liked for so many years, WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST? I might not be able to be with you when you need me, but aren't we best friends?! Okay I'm sorry, I'm just feeling so low.

I'm such a loner. I've almost no friends. I have none. #foreveralone.

Except God, Kyleen, Zoe, etc.




Fiona, for you :)