"look back & learn"

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I wanted to change my blogskin but oh well I'm too lazy to (although SPM can be said to be over but I'm still lazy), the fact that there's still a subject to go doesn't trigger my muscle cells to hold a book. My afferent neurons haven't been doing its job too well to carry nerve impulses from my receptor to my brain, and my efferent neurons are definitely not triggered therefore my muscles are not doing anything interesting, or productive.

Oh well, over, everything's over (except Chinese, which I do care and want to but I haven't- I hope I will do something about it soon), high school life is over. Okay this is getting emotional but I'm still gonna say, I haven't missed my school that much yet but I'm sure I will. People were already posting pictures of the school compound with all the emotional captions on Instagram. LOL. I don't have so much good memories (not that I can think of) except I've to admit that I've met great friends, dedicated teachers and even God at one point of my life. All I wanna say is that I'm really thankful to have met God and all the awesome friends, you know who you are!

I've gotta admit too, that I've learned so much from everyone.

Let's talk about my SPM. (although it's over but I seriously need to write down all these) - to ensure that when I get my results I will still be thankful to God because I really feel very grateful that God has brought me through this whole month.

So 6/11, it was BM paper.
I had the best moment although I only wrote 6 paragraphs for the 2nd part of my essay.. SINCE I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO FINISH WRITING :') #thankGod

7/11, English.
I'm really hoping for the best since my grammar is really poor, and prolly no chance for an A+, don't even think I will get an A for 1119. but still #thankGod that I managed to get it done.

13/11, Sejarah.
I went to church to study on the 12th! It was great hahaha! I managed to finish 3 chapters there and went around and had a walk! but still didn't manage to finish the last 4 chapters of Form 5 sejarah, and still don't know what's going on even until now. I think I had 12 mistakes for the first paper, oh well. I'm never good in History so if I get B for it I'm also okay (but of course still hoping for an A!) #thankGod anyway!

14/11, Sejarah 3.
I think I screwed it up ahhahah! I didn't have 30 points for the 30 marks oneeeee ): I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WANT US TO WRITE MALAYSIA'S CONTRIBUTIONS WHEN REALLY THERE WERE ONLY A FEW! #thankGod though, I got through.

And then the supper gang + YouJin + Yew Han - Siew Yoong had lunch at Kayu!

Had nap and received a bad news that Natasha got into an accident.

18/11, Mathematics!
40/40 for paper 1 babeh! First time in my life but I think I screwed up paper 2 a bit! HAHAHA. oops. #thankGod! but it's my only hope for an A+ there )': OH WELL.

received news that Natasha passed away.

20/11, Moral.
-________________- I was really angry on that day because the government tried to be creative and changed format. If I don't get an A for moral I have no comment. I just crapped them all out. & was stressful that night because I was really afraid to disappoint Terry! but #thankGod I had sufficient sleep to get through the next day!

Natasha's burial service.

21/11, Additional Maths!
I GOT THROUGHHHHHH :') now just hoping for the best! My another chance for an A+ if no A+ on results day I cry! )': but #thankGod nyeheheheh!

25/11, Physics.
Not bad I guess, hope there's still an A there! 5 wrongs for paper 1 I'm oh so happy! #thankGod

26/11, Chemistry.
SO BAD, SO SO BAD, SO VERY BAD. I didn't know how to do a lot and had no time to finish doing 4 questions, tembak 4 semua wrong -_- ! I was hoping to get less than 20 wrongs! but I got 14 wrongs in the end. So sad! :'( prolly no A le.. maybe a B since I screwed up paper 2. I have so much to talk about this paper! Paper 2 was so horrible! I couldn't finish the last essay question and started to panic on the last ten minutes and nearly peed in my pants I'm not even kidding! I WAS SO SCARED AND I WANTED TO GO TO THE TOILET AND I KNEW I COULDN'T. SOME MORE I WAS SHAKING LIKE THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE. I was so so so sad and scared. K I did tear a bit after that paper but #thankGod for YewHan for cheering me up! (:

27/11, Biology.
hahahah quite doomed for paper 1 but cannot check answers since it's in the hall I FORGOT TO GET IT! ): Paper 2 was horrible I didn't even know how to answer a single question confidently. Had tips for paper 3 and felt really bad because Pastor Chris just said "it's not about having an easier way to pass, or a harder way, but the RIGHT way to pass" -- He said he was telling his son not to bribe even though it might be easier to pass the driving test, but it's applicable. I think I greatly disappointed God.


I'm seriously okay with people having the exact paper, and I hope I will remember this: that even if my results turn out to be very bad, I did my part and trusted and committed them all to God all the way ( except I really didn't for Chemistry and Bio paper 3) - I chose studying and listening to tips over trusting in God. I guess I deserve a punishment if I didn't feel bad. God would prolly ask my next time when He sees me. Oh, what would I answer? I will just tremble. :/ ..Punishment too for not able to get an A.

Oh well, I've done my best and am hoping for the best I can get.

Still got Chinese though! I need to go and memorise MINGJU LIAO (haven't started) but before I end this I just wanna confess that I am greatly disappointed by the world.

I won't mention names here.

"When you go out to the society next time people will just climb to the peak without having to work hard. This is the society. The 'lower' ones will do all the job. There's no point for you to work hard since your hard work won't be paid off." -- without feeling bad & follows the ways of the world because it's a norm to do so. + driving without a license and bribed the police.

I hope I won't do so in the future when I drive next time, but will wear a cross necklace and tell the police straight in his face and show him the cross that I'm a child of God and won't do such a thing to let him earn frigging extra coffee money. (Like how in one of the testimonies shared by Pastor Daniel!)

But at the end of the day, this is the world. I'm sure God is disappointed.
Though so, judgement will come one day, when Christ also will come like a thief, no one knows when, but the day will surely come.

I guess I should be praying for this person. 'cause God will surely forgive when one repents.

#thankGod

Labels: Testimony

I don't know why I didn't cry as much as I expected to. I'm not sure if this is normal. Maybe it's the assurance that she's with the Lord now, Or I don't know. I only teared to the first condolence I received. And I wasn't so sure what to reply except to genuinely feel thankful to all of you who have been praying for my cousin sister.

Or maybe it's the fact that I don't even have tears anymore?

I don't know if it's the peace the Spirit gave me or.. It's really just my own problem.

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I prayed to have the courage to go out to get prayed for Natasha..

It was hard in the beginning.. I knew how sad I was deep inside but I was still trying to watch YouTube videos to cheer myself up. No, I'm not depressed. Don't worry. It's just that I wasn't so happy but I had to put on a smile to usher people in. I felt really glad to see Mei Yi (one of my CG members who is also an usher..).. And I thought I had no one to count on.

I'm so grateful to have my CG members despite feeling so tired to fit in. I didn't want to ask to save them seats today so I decided to not look for them. But God still brought Mei Yi to ask me where I was sitting anyway..

Then we (the young ones!! ROAR) were giving out bulletins to the churchies! I had to pretend to smile for a while in the beginning. Wasn't a good start but still got through. I'm also thankful that William (the KRS guy! - forgot his surname oh no!), he asked me how was SPM oh maiiii!! How does he know my age @.@ I was really shocked, honestly. Oh, before that happened, Le On the tall guy was standing beside.. Therefore we formed a Taman SEA line hahaha!! I didn't realise until Li Yen (Chong) mentioned. :p I felt so love because they are such friendly people and I genuinely started to feel happy. Though Mei Yi kept mentioning how I should wear high heels when I stand beside those two tall guys especially when they are 30cm taller and I look really petite in between.. !!

To be able to sit with my CG members.. I felt happy too, I mean this time I really didn't have to try to fit it since Cheryl Tham and Jenna are two of whom I can be who I am with. As for Lu Zhong, I'm starting to feel ok plus I knew he's sad last night so I asked him about it and I guess he felt a little bit touched. Heh.

Then it was near the end of celebration where pastor Daniel started to 'invite' people out for prayers. One of the ushers prayed for me, I think I talked to her before and she's the one with stomach problem because of too much of Caffeine. She asked me about my problem and I broke down.

It was kinda a long prayer.. I cried and cried, she touched where my heart is placed and my shoulder, I felt safe.

As she began to speak in tongues, I felt a hand touching my forehead. A really really huge hand, like a daddy's hand. I'm not sure if it was Holy Spirit, or someone else. When it was near the end of prayer, the hand let go.. I was crying so much more when the hand touched me. Whether or not it was a human hand or Holy Spirit's, I thank God for that hand. It's been an hour and I still feel it on my forehead. It's as if it has never left me..

The usher then told me to trust God after the prayer. She asked me if I'm in a CG and I said yes. She also asked if I told my CG about Natasha but I said no. It's really weird since Pastor Daniel was talking about how CG members can support you when you are in need of people, how they are good companies.. She encouraged me to tell my CG members so I'm gonna do so.

Thank God for today. Thank God for ushers. Thank God for Pastors.

*****

17/11 - 确认了, Aunt Sally(the one who prayed for me) said it must have been Holy Spirit.

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Labels: prayer, Testimony