"look back & learn"

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Let's just start with a heartfelt testimony from a youth pastor.


I was supposed to be studying but got distracted by Youtube videos. Today is such an unproductive day. So finally 2 days down; 9 more to go! *shows an optimistic smile* Oh well, I really hope for the best and I've done and given my all so if results turn out to be bad, I will still be really grateful that at least I managed to finish doing them. #mustrmbhowmuchGodhadhelpedme

Well I should really be studying so I will quickly get this done. :P

I wondered a lot when I was eating just now because a drop of sambal just decided to target my left eye. It felt like it was burning and because I'm a person who can hardly wink so I couldn't see. [interesting fact: not everyone can wink so don't take winking as granted!] Well, I could hardly even find my way to the kitchen to wash my eye (ate in the living room because I thought I would start studying but I didn't because the fish I ate had thousands of bones I'm not even kidding). So you may think I'm stupid enough to get sambal to aim for my eye and it had such amazing accuracy. Ugh, then my brother laughed at me when I was screaming for help. He didn't even lead me to the kitchen when he laughed. He only did when my maid came to rescue me. It was really burning I can't even describe how it felt, but thank God it only lasted for a little while! Well uhm, I washed my eye and it became okay.

Then I continued eating my fish. Actually that happened because when I put down my spoon (ungently) one drop of sambal sauce splashed -___- (or skip it if you don't understand).. IT WAS THE FISH. I BLAME IT ALL ON THE FISH. So many bones for what, ugh. Though gotta admit that you are tasty.

It was then I realised that many unfortunate things might have happened to me, but I'm just so grateful for my life.
I wondered what would it be like if I were blind/mute/deaf/mentally retarded.

I've experienced being mute for a few days, blind for a few minutes, and knowing that I was so close to being mentally retarded if I was born a year earlier or so, I truly felt grateful that God granted me a perfect body.

When I had no voice at all, it scared me so much because I wasn't able to talk. I tried to scream but I couldn't. I locked myself in the room, sat alone by the door to the balcony, faced the spacious green field, saw trees swaying in the wind (exaggeration on the view because I can't remember so detailedly), but it was definitely a gloomy day for me. I tried really hard to produce a sound, but if you've no voice, you just have NONE. They said you need to depend on your diaphragm, and so I tried. Nothing came out. Tears were streaming down, I was begging and praying really hard to God that I really wanted my voice back and I then started missing my voice. I wondered if I would ever hear my voice again. My passion for singing was developed since I was young so there's no way that I could accept myself being mute, not even a second. Although you may think it's funny that I was being so emotional but seriously, without the ability to produce your voice, that sucks.

I think this song rescued me because I was listening to it, if my memory serves me correctly.


When I was blinded by sambal just now, my eye was really burning so I didn't think much. But then after it was washed, I thought, what if I were to be blind? I would need a white stick. My world would be BLACK. How worse can it possibly get? I mean seriously, it would be so scary.. This world is too beautiful to be not seen! I may have made it sounded really cliche but that's what I realised.

I wouldn't ask for more.

To know that I would have been mentally retarded if I wasn't born on the day I was born, it left me feeling genuinely & thankful that I should appreciate this life because God has blessed me so much. To realise that I might have needed more attention, I don't know how to feel. There would be two possibilities : 1) my family becomes more broken. 2) my family members bond strongly to take care of me because I need more attention.
I don't know how it would be like but I wouldn't wish for things like that to happen. Although, I think if I stop taking my drugs it would happen.

Ultimately, don't pray that bad things won't happen, but pray for the strength to overcome these 'bad things' God has allowed to happen.


Yeap, that's all for today. (:

Labels: Testimony

Have exhaust tanks ever been exhausted? I don't know about them, I think they mostly just excrete the excretion of cars, but I'm exhausted.

I'm just an ordinary girl and I gotta say that's a valid statement. But just because I'm ordinary, it doesn't mean I have no feelings.

People just come and go, as if I'm just a statue which they can just look at as long as they like, even talk to as long as they want but leaves another second. The difference is, of course, I'm able to respond.

But well y'know what? Things gotta stop its cycle, people should stop leaving. I'm afraid if it happens one more time scant get out, I won't be able to have an open heart to accept all these.

Apparently CG leader(Sarah) is gonna leave and she had said her last goodbye though she said she'll still be coming sometimes, because it's her final year of medicine and she gotta have exam next year in February.
Ashwin on the other hand, is gonna take off 2 months (I think, if my memory doesn't fail me).
I understand how there wouldn't be any leader to lead us by then so Michelle from E6, Adrian Tang's CG will temporarily merge with E4.5 now. If E6 comes in it will be E4.5.6. I hate changes, I really do. I don't even feel comfortable with the members of E4 yet and it's gonna be worse when Michelle leads us. The CG will be so much bigger and I don't even know her!

Everyone is gonna leave, it's not just Sarah.

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I want to rant so badly. I have a neighbour who is so ignorant! How do I even put what I've learned into practice, that is, memupuk semangat kejiranan with them? The worst thing is to know that he's a discipline teacher in BU4.

Okay so here is the story:-
I bet you noticed (if you stalk me on Twitter - not encouraging you to stalk me because if you really do, you'll know that I'm not even on Twitter anymore) that I've been complaining how rats were appearing in my house, be it in the kitchen or outside the compound of my house [halaman rumah]. It annoyed me so much because this only happened when this maid took over. I thought it was her fault, well, I'm not quite a nice person so I blame her about everything bad that's happening (hahaha, I sound so evil, yea, really, I'm not that nice.) BUT SERIOUSLY LAH OH MAI, why on earth that there are more ants when she takes over the job ah? My brother agrees on this matter so it's not just me.

But thank goodness rats aren't appearing in the kitchen anymore or we will all be dead by now because of the diseases rats can bring. RATS ARE THE DIRTIEST, EW. Who even cares that my zodiac is rat. I hate rats but hamsters are a different case, and I'm excluding Zoe's rat. RATS, EW. I'm not even gonna feel sorry for saying it I hope you extinct. ):

anyways back to the story!! The BU4 discipline teacher who's supposed to be all responsible, nice, friendly, evil even, just shouldn't be so ignorant about the cleanliness one supposedly should have! If you've been to my house, and have seen my neighbour's house, his house might look nice with all the green plants he has planted but I tell you honestly that he has never taken care of the plants, PFFT. It's all planted aside and he has never once trimmed them. This has gotten even worse after his renovation of tiles. It might LOOK nicer with those pink tiles he has but really, don't judge a book by its cover because those plants there, although they may look nice (but unorganised, really), I swear you can see rat holes (not singular) in the afternoon. My maid says she's seen different kinds of creatures crawling on the ground. JUST EW, I don't even dare to look.

I've tried to convince my mom not to get so mad over this matter but now I feel my mom so much. I told my mom not to report to the people in charge but now I've changed my mind. I told my mom to just build up fences but the rats are still coming through the gate which is really annoying because the rats have been trying to steal my dogs' food. UGH!! And there will be their poo everyday without fail under my mom's car. If I could kill all the rats in the world I WOULD!! If I could just slap my neighbour in the face I WOULD!!!

The truth is that even after my maid has told him to clean his 'garden' up and EVEN OFFERED TO HELP, he still told my maid he's too busy to do so. How ignorant can he be? Not like we never told them about it, we've tried to hint them but they don't even care plus they build up fences themselves so that the rats won't go into their house instead. -____- What I'm angry about the most is that they had time to put on the net so that the rats won't go into their house but they have no time to clean up the 'garden'. And just decided to use a huge stone to cover one of the rat holes which didn't work because the rats still have other holes.

We will forgive them if this has only happened once BUT NO.

Let's all talk about prawns now?

So I don't know how many years ago we had this open house for my elder brother, or was it for me, I can't remember although my mom has told this story to everyone who comes to visit, and I got annoyed and told my mom not to repeat the story anymore because I swear she has told the story repeatedly for 7000 times, Don't ask me why I chose the figure 7000, because I myself have no idea why.

Okay, so prawns.
The guests we had dropped some prawn shells on the ground unintentionally (outside his house), he got angry and he put the prawn shells outside my house. -_- HOW CHILDISH CAN HE GET? After 20 years he still hasn't had a slight transformation. I would appreciate if he would at least smile at me when I smile at him. I used to want to fix this relationship back because of what I've learned throughout my entire life in school, but now that I think back, I think he has spent a longer time in school than all of us summed up (my brothers and I) have, seriously.

So what now, do I still fix this relationship or not?

I know I should do everything out of love and my little deeds like sharing food might just change his harden heart. Let's see what I will do in the future. Of course, there will still be hope if I just don't give up fixing.

ANYHOO, today's devotion is inspiring! (:

I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me. - Psalm 69:3 

"Do you ever feel tired? I mean tired of just trying so hard and yet just moving inches. Maybe you're trying to mend a relationship, advance your career, or just trying to gather yourself emotionally. Despite these valleys in your life, don't give up on hope. This hope is purposefulness of your tribulations that God has planned to produce the most beautiful story about you. Be patient, strong and trust in Him. Do not give up."

Read more at http://web.stagram.com/p/579313671748479336_250936561#OtsVE6Z2oZKw1yTv.99