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Title: throwback
Friday, December 6, 2013 || 2:24 PM
Let's see.
I'm only recalling what I've always recalled, if you get what I mean. Some memories constantly appear in your mind but you don't really know why they do. Some memories are meant to be kept in the deepest place in your mind where you can't remember but when someone talks about it you are able to recall. Some, are just meant to be forgotten.
I'm gonna talk about what constantly appear in my mind.
I remember when I was very young, my dad sent me to the hospital (as usual), but something unusual happened. It was a very heart breaking incident. I think I was trying so hard to escape from remembering it that now I'm not even sure whether it was a dream that I could remember or it really did happen.
I remember my Chinese class teacher brought my class to the library and I was sitting beside Jo Ann. Jo Ann asked me why I wasn't a Christian and told me how you can go to heaven just because you're a Christian. That didn't make sense to me and I just ignored what she said. Thinking about it, it's really not just being a Christian but being a true believer and follower. I've always recalled what I said, I think my answer was "because my mom's a Buddhist." For a non believer that is just how it goes, and I understand. People try to avoid Christianity because they don't know what it's really about and that was me. I celebrated Christmas without knowing why I did, it was all merely about Santa Claus, presents, gatherings, etc.
I get so touched everytime I listen to this song ^.
I remember I was so certain about being a Buddhist, but little did I know I was only following what my mom believed. I never really knew what it's about. There are still so many different beliefs between these two religions. I'm just glad God didn't give up drawing me closer to Him although I kinda rejected Him. Truth is, He never gives up using people to influence others. He has greater plans and that is undeniable.
I remember I had a huge argument with my primary school friends because of a gathering in Form 1 or 2. Since then I have phobia planning a gathering and using my mom's credit card because I'm afraid I will make the same mistake again. I'm just sad that we're not talking after that incident.
I remember in Form 2 I had a huge argument with Siew Chin, I cried so much because we had different ideas on swearing, and she even involved my friendship with this guy. I was so angry back then and we didn't talk for a week or two until her birthday.
I remember I had a lot of friendship issues and I lost a few friends because I stopped talking to them. It's kinda like to protect myself from getting hurt ever again so I refrain myself from getting too close to anyone.
I remember my brother got into and accident and ever since then he became very weird. I stopped talking to him because he started smoking again and I was very disappointed. Til now it's a bit hard to not feel disappointed when I see lighter or stuff related to smoking. It's just so sad.
I remember in Form 1 I sat with Soon Man and I didn't quite like her, I don't know why. I was an idiot and I still am. Although after a few months we became close friends. It's really hard for me to get close to someone before knowing who they really are. I'm not as friendly as I seem because if it hasn't reached a certain period knowing you I admit I can be really bitcccccccccc*y. Now even with my maid, she has worked a year but I'm still treating her like a stranger and trying to escape when she tries to befriend me. I feel bad after every disrespectful act. I guess I'm just really tired of having different maids. and I really hated when she talked to me especially when I was studying or doing something urgent/important or watching my dramas. SHE JUST HAD TO TALK.
I remember being angry with Kyleen for no apparent reasons until she told me she didn't like that and I knew I was being a b*tchhhhh also I don't know why I'm always like that. Of course that was when we weren't as close. And then she kinda was involved in drawing me closer to Christ and we became best friends. :) I'm so thankful for her!
I remember stalking guys with Zoe and numbered the guys we stalked. We started off stalking guys who looked like my crush back then. I'm not even afraid to say his name now - TYS, sorry just initial if you wanna know you can ask me who he is. He broke my heart thrice hahahah but funny how after so many times of disappointments we're best friends now.
I remember walking past his class on purpose in primary school because his class was located near the staff room. I remember there were a lot of people who were obsessed with him including my best friend. Funny how we liked the same guy and we didn't know that. Ah, small world but I guess he was just too hot for me it was irresistible :P now ah..... hahahaha not bad laaaa :P
I remember being stressed about not being responsible in clubs and societies.
I remember I had arguments with Zoe too when getting Kyleen a Polaroid camera we didn't talk for a few days but we ended up talking again anyway :P
I admit that I've been immature, naive, hot tempered, obsessed. If I had hurt anyone of you I'm really sorry. I'm praying that I will be a better person and to draw myself closer to Christ in 2014. Thank You God for my life, thank You for the people You've put to be with me, thank You for everything!
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