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Title: nose block after crying!
Monday, July 11, 2011 || 8:35 PM
I didn't wanna update today.. But since, I just cried AGAIN, so I decided to talk about it :) Yes, again, I cried yesterday, for something.. I forget what it is, but for something.. Er.. Or at least I think I did cry for something.. I'm really forgetful. Crying is like a daily routine for me now.
I'll just go straight to the point. It's about my mom. Sometimes, my mom won't be punctual. Punctual as in, when she fetch me from tuition? On Mondays? Yeah, I always wait for her like at least 40 minutes. Sometimes, I gotta say, she's early, and yeah, that makes me happy too. Since I can go home early. But today, 40 minutes.. I didn't feel happy about it. I mean, who will be happy to wait like an idiot? (wow that sounds familiar. I've once asked the one I loved and the one that claimed that he loves me to wait for me until I'm 18. But of course it didn't work. He's too desperate to be in a relationship.) Yeah, so I didn't smile when I answered her question just now. Or.. since last month. (Because I swear our relationship is getting further apart, and the cause? Maybe it's because she's not at home most of the time? ) What do you expect me to do? Laugh when I'm answering her? No. I used to but not anymore. I'm so stressed out and I'm tired. I can't smile in front of you. When you don't even know how much I tried to avoid things you asked me not to do. 1. Not to be in a relationship until I enter university/start working. Oh, not avoid.. but still, 2. Study because you always compare. (I know all mothers do that, but I'll still be stressed about it.) 3. I never told you my ambition, because I'm trying so hard to achieve it (not really) but what if you know it and you tease me and all? You know being not supported by your own family members is how horrible?
Yes, anyway, I'm tired of all the sudden-care and don't-care-at-all thing. I know all parents are afraid that their own children will be kidnapped cause the world out there now is terrible. But, what's with the 'no'. Why don't you trust me that I'll take care of myself? That God will protect and bless me because I'm His child in Christ? I believe that God will protect me. And what if I really got kidnapped? That might be God's plan. Who knows? And even if I got killed. What's so scary about death? I may go to a better place.. a place where God knows how awesome it is. :) Maybe you'll think I'm selfish because I don't think about others. And yeah you'll say there are people out there who care and worry about me.. But imagine if I got killed. At least I'll be with God. Death is not very scary after all. Oh back to the main topic, sometimes you don't even care about what I'm doing. You don't even know what I've been doing recently, do you?
And I answered you the way you think it's rude you just started scolding me when I say I'm tired. I wanted to sleep but you screamed and asked me to go and get my dinner first. Yeah I did. But I was really sad that I cried. Why wouldn't you just let me rest for a while? What's wrong with sleeping? I mean, really? (Oh and thank God my bro helped me a little, he said I slept at 3am and had marching practice until 4pm. Never knew he's that awesome, thanks Julian Chee :D) And surprisingly, just now in the afternoon he waited me for like 20 minutes and he didn't get angry at ALL. He's really.. awesome sometimes. LOL. Anyway. :) I cried when I was eating. How miserable HAHA :D
To someone, I didn't wanna call you because I know you'll read my blog. I mean, when I'm crying I can't say a single word. So why do I even wanna let you waste your time to listen to the way I cry? HAHAHAHA. Reasonable right :D
After the dinner, after the awesome bitter gourd soup ( I don't know why I liked it, I never liked bitter gourd, but my heart felt so warm when I drank it :D) I felt better. Don't worry. I'll be alright. Crying is definitely a good way to express my feelings. Blogging is the next medicine :D
I still have tons of things to do. Leo booklets, homework, sleep . etc. :(
By the way, it's 9.10pm. I'm dead sleepy. Goodnight. :)
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