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Title: Courage
Monday, July 4, 2011 || 8:36 PM
You know when you do something, something you thought you can never do it.. You need that push and courage? I know whatever I'm doing now might be tough. One part of me just keeps scolding myself that I'm stupid and all, but another part of me is congratulating me.. saying that : 'Bernice, you finally did it.' And I tell you, it's not easy to live without a phone and Facebook. Well, maybe I just need time. Literally without a phone, since, it doesn't support wifi. And hey, Unifi is useless for me now. What I can do now is only blogging. I know I'm dumb kay, there's a bestie/champion out there waiting for me to tell my life time stories but I preferred to let the only way to communicate with this one particular person to.. how do you say this.. uhmm.. go off? Okay whatever, I'm seriously not a human. Fb messaging was absolutely useful to me. I used it whenever I'm sad, happy, angry.. Oh well. Now its ALL gone. :'( My phone! Now I have to on the computer to read blogs? That's seriously not a right thing to do. Julian Chee Tze Hoe, you should be grateful to have me as your sister! Mummy bought Blackberry for me and you offered to exchange your phone with me? When you know I can't say no because of the stupid PMR? PMR, you're making me so stressed. And I'm totally going crazy soon. I want to burst into tears, NOW!
Oh the first reason I decided to deactivate my Facebook account was because, Jing Wei asked me to do so! Since you know, she deactivated hers. (Oh I deactivated mine but it's temporary though, I can just log in and everything will be back to normal. They'll say there : "Welcome back!" I just tried it, it's quite useless, but, I'm not gonna touch it until after PMR!) Second reason? I feel kinda bad for someone's accident. I really really feel like killing myself for putting their lives all in danger. Just because I like to talk to someone, but I can't be so selfish right? ): Yeahhh, so after I deactivated my Facebook account I really thanked God for giving me the strength to deactivate it.
Maybe, self-control is really important. Or maybe because Jing Wei motivated me. Or maybe.. the things that happened like my results got worse (is it? Since I got C for so many subjects! Sejarah and Geography! Pn Tang told my dad that I need to work hard on my academic! My dad was like pointing, hey Bernice, work harder. D: Then my mom was like.. play computer everyday some more la! My eldest bro was like "do you think you can get straight A's in PMR") and the accident! I'm so stressed you know ): Everything around me is slowly tearing me into pieces!
And plus my new discovered ambition - life saver! Studying medicine! I want to become a neurologist, like those doctors who saved my uncle's life! I'd work in the government hospital since Pn. Faridah said nowadays the government hospitals are lacking of doctors? I want to get scholarship! I have to. Both of my brothers didn't. And my parents are always stressing out about money! My brother just failed 2 subjects! Graduating 6 months late because he didn't really study, kept going to Ciber Cafe! And waste my mom's money! Although it's kind of impossible to get scholarship. For me. That had been in 3rd class in my whole life in primary school? Oh and, I don't like Science! With all the explanations? Oh pleaseee! I'll sure be studying science if I'm going to take medicine! That's only my dream to save the world. And you know government hospitals? They watch TV and eat snacks in the ICU room! Which it's the thing I hate >:( about them! I want to make the world a better place! But all of them, ugh, it's impossible for me to save the world. I'll be all emotional if I can't save anyone. Or maybe I shall really do what Sarah did, pray to God to ask Him what I should be.. She's studying medicine! I want to be like her! Optimistic and helpful and kind :) At least, half.
I'll be back on Facebook after PMR. Wait for me people! <3 and using my brother's phone is not really a bad thing :) At least I can still text right? :) If only there's a person who doesn't mind spending all his/her credits on me :O
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