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Title: What am I supposed to do?
Sunday, March 27, 2011 || 7:15 PM
Sigh, I bet you’re with your ex right now. I know you will go back to her once she changes her mind and says I love you to you. I know it since the day she talked to you on your Facebook wall. And I’m here, feeling jealous. :(
And worst, you didn't know about it.
You'll never know about it.
I know this is obvious. I bet you know who I am talking about right? I barely talk to him now. But then once I don't talk to him, I will be worrying that I would just lose him the next minute. Sometimes I seriously think I'm just a toy. He can say he loves me whenever he wants it. 'Cause he knows, I'm the stupid girl who waited him for almost 4 years. Yeah, that's just how stupid I am. But I don't think I am stupid sometimes. I don't know, I think I am that stupid sometimes, too. I know he still loves her. I am sure. I mean, he's the kind of guy who can be touched easily. And that's really a bad thing. That's the biggest reason I'm worrying now. Although, there's a saying, 'If you let go, and he comes back, then he's yours. If you let go, he leaves you, then he will never be yours.' Just, face the fact Bernice. He loves her, she's hotter than you, prettier and well, better. I think. (Although you're awesomer.) But ohgosh still, you need to face the fact.
Okay so, Kai Sheng that freaking love guru told me that SHE you know, she, loves him. OR going to take revenge on him. Whichever However Whatever. My heart has been completely crashed. HAH. But the thing is I don't care anymore. :) Just gonna live like how normally awesome I am. But this is the thing. I think my brother saw me stalking him. Wth. He just said something like : " **** *** likes this kind of hairstyle? " (cause he thought I cut my hair) Freak. How? How am I going to survive? I'm just going to give up. Like now. After 3 years 9 months and 4 days. Today. IS A BIG DAY. It's going to be awesome.
but the thing is.. I'm sad today. not because of him. (But because of Him.) Yes. Capital H I M. Wait, I didn't mean that God did a bad thing to me (God will never do bad thing to anyone. He is the awesomest!) but I meant I did something really bad. Really really bad. And it's something like worshiping another God. (And I only believe in God, and Jesus.) Which I know, it's something REALLY REALLY BAD (it could be the baddest thing) and sinned that you could ever do especially when you're not an atheist.
Yeah, although I feel like crying and of course I tried to hold back. I was asking God to forgive me when my mom says I need to show respect to my Uncle. And that's my beloved uncle, without him, my mom would not live so happily now. My uncle helped my family alot. He's single, and he always come to my house last time. And he passed away 11 years ago. Which that's the first and the last time I saw my mom cried. Oh, I didn't tell you what makes me think that I am worshiping another God. I held the Chinese praying stick after knowing that I shouldn't. :(
I don't know if I was being rude when I was holding the Chinese praying stick and talking to God, asking Him to forgive me. And what I did was ask my uncle to rest in peace. I really don't know if my uncle minds it or not. And my grandparents. I bow down and say prayers. In front of the grave. Is that rude? Can anyone tell me if it's rude to do that? :(
Will God forgive me? I only believe in him. But I held the Chinese praying stick because I had to. And I must show my respect to my beloved uncle. Does that mean that Buddhist and Christian will never get along together? :(
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